re:

Re: bye.

2007-08-30T23:27:00.000+02:00

Now, this is the last time I will write on this blog.

It is strange how my inspiration for creating this blog was after seeing my old flute teacher in March 2006. Now it's August 2007, and I met her again - today. It is about time I finish this blog off. Not that the incidents are in any way connected. She did not tell me to do so. She doesn't even use the computre. But. It feels right, somehow.

I've got myself this place for now:

momo et toi

where i've attempted to write more story-like.
and you thought it was over? Haha, my blogging days are far from over...

Thoughts from a house(dotter)wife

2007-08-24T00:26:00.000+02:00

Never go onto internet before bedtime. I never learn.
I was just suppose to check my email. Just. Then I saw a long email that my buddy in Brussels sent me (the mere fact that I have a buddy makes me smile). She wrote this long email suggesting which modules for me to take, and p.s. bring an umbrella, and p.ss. bring old clothes and shoes for their traditional "TB".

TB? What's a TB? I asked her. I have a eerie feeling it's like egg-throwing or some thing in those lines. I've heard of some wild stuff Belgian students do, apparently there it is REAL crazy.

Somehow I ended up on flickr, and started re-arranging and organizing my photos. I think I live a hasty life. I update without even commenting. Such head-ache now after 3000+ photos. I nearly deleted them all. Then start over. But. When I started looking at the old photos, I was awed! Things were so different back then, and I couldn't do it. However, I do need to start being more qualitative. Quantity makes my head spin.

And now with my new video camera... GOD. What am I going to do? The sheer size of videos will kill the high-tech operations. The pain. The gain?

Back to baking maybe. I was very successful today in making a birthday cake for my mom, and this italian bread. I also made pasta sallad for lunch and took Mimmi out for a bike-ride and picnic. AND I grilled. Like a house-wife, without the marriage. Perhaps a house-daughter. Wow. That's a new word I think I'll rather not use again.

because we're here for changes

2007-08-16T17:13:00.000+02:00

Wow, I'm like properily restructuring my whole virtual existence. Advancement in technology such as picasaweb for photos cannot be ignored. I shall know use it for the majority of my photo uploads. I will keep flickr for my more artistic ones. As for blogging. The coming year deserves its own existence, so I shall be leaving here for a while. Big changes in belgian housing, screw that other place (due to unreliable ownership), I managed to convince my initial choice to pick me! The owner (a chinese guy) did not want to give the place to me because of my short lease, however I insisted. And it's so worth it. I shall probably never ever find another place so beautiful. Smack in the middle of old town, cute little building, my room with a loft.

Here's a very high-tech kind of slide show that people have nowadays :)

I'm riding on a heat wave!

2007-08-06T23:31:00.000+02:00

It's good to know when you're in a good phase. Yesterday spent a beautiful day driving out to Lidingö with Emelie and rediscovering photography and swedish bryggor. Today I went to see a awfully funny movie with Julian, "Knocked up", which really makes you think about having a baby (or not having one). Then, just a two hours I ago I finally made up my mind to take this studio in Brussels! After sending Nathalie to see more or less 10 different places, I've finally settled! It's by far the newest one, with own bathroom and kitchen, and in a perfect location. As Nat's email put it:

"Near (10 mins away, that is) the very posh and expensive area of Avenue Louise and Toison D’Or where you can find all the designer shops, lots of ‘terraces’ and bars/food places. The actual street Jean d’Ardenne is a normal city street and the building of flats doesn’t look amazing from outside, but inside the rooms are lovely! There are 9 rooms in the house, mostly taken by students, both Belgian and international."

So, this time I will really be alone! With my own flat! Much better than sharing, even if it will cost me bomb.. 425 euro/month.. but I'm determined to find a part-time job so it will be ok. Also, much hassle with housing is that they're not very keen on international students coming and going, so I'm very lucky to get a lease of 5 months.. if by any chance I do end up getting a job in Paris in January. But with my own flat, I will really be free. The mere thoughts makes me a tingly inside.

Here's some photos:

My own kitchen!!

yeah.. not very beautiful building.. but at least it's clean. you should have seen some of the other houses!

The first signs of senile-ity

2007-08-05T00:32:00.000+02:00

Oof. I should sleep. Everything about me is schrieking for sleep and rest, but somehow I can't make myself turn this computer of and crawl into my bed 0.5m away from me.

Last night was perfect, undoubtedly the reason for anticlimax the following day. We celebrated Simon's birthday in style and ventured into a realm of partying with younger siblings. It does make you feel old, yet not older than them because they seem to have caught up now or maybe we just stopped growing. At least definietly physically, as proven by Simon tackling me and Emelie with his unstoppable strength. But it was rather fun. And sometime later, considerably much more happier, I convinced the bouncer of Chinateatern that we're on the guestlist for their eminent nightclub. Once inside I thought I was in Berzilii, and continued thinking so for the rest of the night till we re-emerged into the sunlight at 4am with a bit more packing, and I was like "wow, we are by Berns!"

But even the morning was grand. Waking up in St.Eriksplan with Vurma just next door where food was consumed sitting in the fresh air, and walking around in the sun till we stumbled upon the best Myrorna in town where I bought new shoes, belt, bag and cardigan.. is a good ending to a good night. So, goodnight.

Sheepish thoughts

2007-08-03T16:42:00.000+02:00

I saw a dead sheep today. It was very bizarre. As me and my dad walked back to the university after lunch in Stora Skuggan (my childhood wood) we passed by a big field where there was a bunch of sheep loose, and one dead on the ground. Some teenagers proceeded to lift it into a truck. They asked us we saw four men dressed in work-men clothes. Apparently the sheep was scared to death by those people. How sick. I never knew sheep could die of fear. Guess we learn something every day.

There is something very special about sheep. A bit Haruki Murakami "Wild Sheep Chase". They are very fateful objects that kind of creep me out. There eyes are so dull, it is like they're not really real. I'm not sure I like them.

I also discovered that I may have necrophobia. Dead things really scare me. I couldn't go near the sheep, and if I was in the teenager's position I don't think I could lift the dead sheep into the car. I'm not sure if this is because I've seen too little of death (a part from the nightmare on Iceland with the beach covered in bird bodies), but surely most people can still remain calm. I can't. This little panicky feeling starts to grow...

Well, our lives are too sheltered I guess. Hopefully I will never have to handle a dead body. Ever.

let's do hope things happen twice.

2007-07-12T00:30:00.001+02:00

One whole month since I updated last. Time DOES fly. I had so much free unwanted time during revision, and once the last exam was done I was crazying. First turning into my 2o years of age, and then nearly two weeks of continuous intoxication for celebration and goodbyes. I barely had time to rest my feet at home, before it was time for Roskilde.

Roskilde. What a experience. I've got so much to write about it, but I think I will save it later and express myself video style. I think if there was utter freedom, that's something close. But there are always constraints, such as rain and its consequences: mud. I don't really mind not having water, electricity and bed. As long as I'm free and have don't have to worry. My mind has really slacked.. all over my head there is a big blinking CHILL. Maybe a bit too much.

Now, continuing from my last entry. I will be on my way to Iceland very soon. I just wish I could make things last a bit longer, a bit stronger, and bit more clearer. The twenty year old head is a hazy little thing. Only The Flaming Lips un-numbed me and I was properly alive and crying. Nothing else seems to touch me too much. Am I growing old and cold? How exciting.

I want to be here:

2007-06-11T23:44:00.000+02:00

Blue Lagoon, Iceland.

In one month I will be. And in four days I will be free. Oh, how I can't wait. One last push. One last kick. Can I make it? Make it a nice big >60%?

Mom and daughter

2007-06-10T12:26:00.000+02:00

new mobile (or is it camera?)

2007-05-27T23:30:00.000+02:00

My feet and somebody else's legs.

Today, the view from my busstop in the rain.

Ovenbaken salmon with fresh garden vegetable and basil.
My first home cooked meal since Friday the 18th May...

Yesterday, Regina's beautiful drawing on the white boards when we're suppose to be studying Marketing.

I'm going to use my mobile camera as my medium for photography now. I quite like the small photos, very amateur and "accidental". It's been far too long without my camera.. I know you all miss my photos. I did too. Felt like a part of me went missing. But no more, now I can start again, slowly. And one day I'm going to buy a small video camera, because I have ideas of filming and talking to myself. After seeing "Me and You and Everyone we know" by Miranda July. I live on the soundtrack now.

Settling into pattern

2007-05-16T00:08:00.000+02:00

It's true how days pass so quickly when you study.
Today I've been on campus since 9am. It's now 11pm.

I spent most of the day in the language centre doing french exercices preparing for the exam on Friday. Then, I came to the library, where I left my laptop and worked on Service Operations Management. Focus on Service Recovery and Guarantess. Basically, if the service fails, how you make customers complains, deal with the complaints and retain and satisfy them. Simple concept, yet why is there so much to talk about? Formalized models and theories about customer behaviour, common sense packaged nicely.

My highlight of the day is swimming. I go exercising everyday now, one, because I get to relax and procrastinate, two, because I really need to move after sitting down so much. I've been swimming every other day, in between I've tried different classes... yoga, pilatis, body balance, boxercise etc. I've become strangely addicted to working out, which I have never felt before! Hopefully this is one benefit of revising that will stay with me after I'm done with exams.

So I'm finally settling into a pattern. Study, exercise, eat (lots of salads, sandwiches and soup) and sleep. And a cup of coffee a day. And power naps (i.e: passing out on the table). I find a lot of silly things funny, and laugh a lot. I try to glue myself to people as often as I can so I don't get too isolated. It seems to work, so let's cross our finger that this is going to hold out for another few weeks or so.

Coldcut - Timber

2007-05-10T09:27:00.001+02:00

I posted this through youtube last week, but it didn't show up until now.

I went to see Coldcut, one of the innovators in VJ (Video Djing) at our Arts Centre last friday. It was absolutely awesome. They created a whole new way to audiovisualize, involving a lot of computer programming (one of the dude was a computer scientist). Music and technology, layered together becomes this. Performing live as even more amazing, I was entirely into the music and the visuals. Emersed. I admire people who create something new.

This track is Timber. A voice on global warming and cutting down trees. I absolutely love the part around 01:50 min. Makes me want to go to heaven.

2007-05-10T01:13:00.000+02:00

Studying can be such a lonely venture.
Hour in hour out with your books, your pens and your notes.
And your brain. Hopefully.

I need to by strong physically and mentally now, and I'm really trying. But I can't even do the things that might cheer me up anymore because I don't have time... I should be focused. I should be concentrated. I should be a robot.

But, my stupid heart just goes fluttering everywhere. Today I managed to ignore it quite well. It is however only temporary.

I need to stop feeling. I need to stop feeling.
The most difficult thing in the world.

Transform, shut myself in.

I bought earplugs today to shut out the noise. That worked a little.
Maybe I can buy feeling plugs as well to shut out the cacophony from my heart?

Only if.

Daydreaming about Shanghai

2007-04-25T13:27:00.000+02:00

As I'm working extremely hard on my essay about China's Emergence: the role of cultural management through guanxi and mianzi for improving business relations, I started thinking about my future. I want to go back to Shanghai. So I started looking for real estate, and I fell in love with this little flat in the old French Concession area.

Located just 5 minutes walk from Huaihai Road, this cute apartment features one bedroom and one bathroom in bright and playful oranges and greens. The kitchen and bathroom are well-renovated with all necessary appliances.

Now I have a goal, in a few years time it will be back to China for me. (Of course there might come obstacles in between like "travel the world etc" but ultimately...) I will spend my twenties in Shanghai, do a proper career, get a proper pay, have my first flat and live like "Da cheng xiao shi"-Wang Faye-style. I think I would love it, discover the China that is not all about tearing down and rebuilding and modernization and development. But rather the old, the beautiful and the perhaps the new emerging individualism.. I believe that must exist somewhere. If not, maybe we are the new generation to create it!

(So Jen, be ready for China, we are going to hit it there haha and Em don't worry, you are still allowed to return to Sweden when 27 and need to get married and have kids :P)

Here is more photos of the French Concession in Shanghai.

Corners on the Curving Sky

2007-04-19T00:47:00.000+02:00

Our earth is round, and, among other things
That means that you and I can hold
completely different
Points of view and both be right.
The difference of our positions will show
Stars in your window. I cannot even imagine.
Your sky may burn with light,
While mine, at the same moment,
Spreads beautiful to darkness.
Still, we must choose how we separately corner
The circling universe of our experience
Once chosen, our cornering will determine
The message of any star and darkness we encounter.

- Gwendolyn Brooks (1917-2000)

100th post: Celebrating anniversary

2007-04-18T00:25:00.000+02:00

Re: reply and regarding. This is my 100th post on this blog, and it has been a year since I started writing in it. It is like collecting pebbles day by day, soon you will have a mountain. It is like taking photos day by day, soon it will cause your computer to die of overload, and when you move it to a external harddrive it fills that one up too....

If I collect things for another few years, another 10 years, another 20 years. I will only be 4o, and I would have 100x20 = 2000 weblog posts. Probably 1,000,000,000 photos and I don't know how many memories scattered in my brain. What scary sums. I need to buy a few more external harddrives or brains. Perhaps in the future our technology will allow the happening of the latter choice. External brains, attached through the ear. What a funny idea!

Today was a lovely day at work, one of those where everything was going right. I did a lot of things, and did them right.. Got to know a new romanian girl Suzanna better. Tomorrow I'm helping to decorate the bar into Alice in Wonderland style, so that should be fun and creative. Yesterday wasn't as good, was for some reason sleepy the whole day and had no energy. Until I finished work and walked to Trafalger Square. There I stood by the fountain and let the wind blow in my direction so the water would fly onto my face. What a wonderful sensation! Felt much more alive after that and went home and made myself a newly invented spinach/salmon/mushroom salad.

Now Jen should be back any second from Barcelona. Just a little note, that I did find Maison Bertaux. Finally. After three attempts, I realized I had been walking the wrong street. They have the same Tai buffet shop and I get so confused. It's funny how something exists in your memory but you just can't find it! But through toil and hard work I have managed to know EXACTLY where it is now. And I will never loose it again. Their red berry tea is amazing. Also, went to Kaslik to have dinner again. With Maiko, and had a lovely discussion about japanese culture vs western culture, weird family habits and memories. So I'm now very full and content. Just need to clear my traces from the table, and move Jen's stuff back in place.

A change of hair!

2007-04-16T23:11:00.000+02:00

Hair cut by Tomoko at KISSABLE on Brewer's St.

"And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair."

Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931)

Thoughts on surrealism

2007-04-14T22:46:00.000+02:00

Since my camera decided to really die this time I would have to push myself to use the power of words. I'm now at the V&A musem, apparently the world's biggest museum of art and design. I'm sitting right in the middle of the courtyard surrounded by the castle-like monolithic museum building. Here is haven. Here time stops. Shell-shaped steps twirling with water inside. Not really a pond, more like a sheet of water where kids can dip their feet or run through it laughing. A sculpture is also there. Resembling a wheel of some sort.

The sun is HOT like a summer's day. My knitted t-shirt is almost too warm. Spent more than an hour in the Surrealism exhibition and threw myself in a upside down world between dream and fantasy. Distored reality and creativity. Especially liked Joan Miró with his childish influence and shapes influenced by biomorphism. The childish always strike me. I also got really pulled into the fact that ART and art movements influenced society so much more in the old days. The societies of 20s/30s seem slightly more intellectual, seeking to still their hunger more than us. Or at least the elite, intellectual, artistic group of individuals. During that time they used surrealist images from then contemporary artists as magazine covers for Vogue and Harpers. Today if there was modern art on magazine covers it would only be for niche alternative art review magazines. Fashion has moved away from art, and become more business. This of course, we all know, lazying ourselves with cheap entertainment from Hello! and other gossip magazines. There is no use to contemplate anymore. To read the novels of the great writers. To break boundaries and truly individualize. Sometimes I feel like culture permeates our daily life less and less... or perhaps today's culture is altered. Now is consumerist culture. Now is the brainless time.

Hot Chip's song "Boy from School". I could start dancing here and now. I'm so happy. Really enjoy being by myself. Walking, looking, thinking and of course eating. Tonkatsu Bento takeaway outside in the sun. Barefoot and with my new book, a autobiography by Elsa Schiaparelli (one of leading fashion designers of the 20s and 30s).

That was written on my diary. Now I'm sleepy. Went to bed rather late last night (4am), due to a secret gig with The Kooks at Proud where we fought inside a moshpit. Rock overdose, as we continued to Koko. What a marvellous venue though. A old theatre, they ripped away the chairs, and now it's a big open space with lots of floors and balconies and the biggest disco lamp ever. "Young Folks" (Peter, Björn & John) was playing as we walked in. Tomorrow night I'm going to see CocoRosie. Oh the life, glorious days.

A bit moaning over CRM

2007-04-12T20:41:00.000+02:00

Had some hand-on experience of CRM today. Customer Relation's Management. Using the new installed software Maximizer, I was suppose to call up all our customers and ask them if we have to right email and adress etc. And it is not funny. There is more than a 1000, and I only got to 130 today. I have this set thing to say, and it is so monotonic. Yet, so necessary. Because, a lot of the data was from years ago, and it really does need to be updated.

I'm now in a very tired and bad mood, that only staring at a computer screen and talking over phone in a repetitive manner can do to me. I really admire people who work in call centres now. It really is a tough job. You never know what kind of person is on the other side of line. Sometimes they are super friendly, sometimes they are nasty (thank god, no one was nasty to me).

I feel the job is drawing towards an end, only have one more week to go. I feel like I've gotten the most of out of them, I won't learn more staying longer.. And I will probably never take a unpaid internship job again. It's voluntary slavery, and next time I volunteer it will at least have to be something more charitable. However, job has been very good learning process especially with communications and stress level and being able to accomplish the most random tasks.

Now, I feel so drained. Jen and her friend Miho is cooking dinner, aah. I'm going to lie in bed and relax. It's eight and the warm breeze comes in through the window, can't believe how warm it is. I even hear crickets outside. Last night I went back to the japanese restaurant to have dinner with Maiko (a friend from Warwick that is now working in London) and that was lovely. Tomorrow, is going to be another super perk of the job. THE KOOKS will be having a secret gig at proud!! All exclusive and vip, so it'll probably be a small crowd and we'll get to chat to them. Not that I'm super into them, but it's still quite exciting! At least it's better than calling randomers from a cellar office on a nice sunny day.

Easter Weekend in London

2007-04-09T00:51:00.000+02:00

I heard from Emelie that apparently this Easter, London has the best weather in Europe. We are so lucky. Ever since my freedom from Friday, it has been sunny everyday. During the breakt, I've touristed everywhere. Mixing up with the millions of others visiting London now.

On Thursday evening, Emelie came in and we went to Edgware Road (Marble Arch) for the Middle Eastern experience of good food. That night we walked all the way back from Marble Arch to Westminster!

Friday was amazing. All day spent outside, Southbank with Tate Modern and long walk to Westminster (again), filled with exciting things along the walk such as soap bubbles and human statues. Lunch with dimsum in China town and sitting in a park afterwards to suntan. At night, me and Jen went to Brick Lane for a friend's birthday. At 93 Feet East with a club night called Sick of Nature. Unexpectedly amazing, we enjoyed the live performances so much and danced like mad! This one man band, with his laptop and guitar called Sportsday Megaphone was really sweet. And Dandi Wind was crazy!

Saturday I went to check out Notting Hill with its Saturday market. I was in love. The second hand shops there were so much better! Bought two dresses and a top. There were so many antiques around as well... I thought I could drown. The old cameras, old typewriters, old books... OLD things aaah. The fresh food market was great as well. 8 pears for a pound. It smelled so pretty. I ate the best felafel wrap ever, delicately made with herbs and everything.

Today went for a day trip to Greenwich. Saw the new developed areas of Docklands. Canary Warf reminded me so much of Japan! I really liked the new modern feeling. Greenwich was parkish and summery.. Also went to see Sunshine in the movies. Was such an intense movie, I was quite in shock afterwards for a long while. It always takes me such a long time to get back to reality from a movie. I felt like I was floating in space. The eery feeling of the dark vast emptiness and hostility. We are so tiny tiny. Speck of dust.

Only two more weeks left. Time passing fast. So much left to do, and need to be productive in making some creative stuff. Before I go back to Warwick and start my half-living exam cramming days...

Again, back in London.

2007-04-02T23:11:00.000+02:00

Back in London after a week-end of relaxing family time in Sweden.
Sun seems to have followed me everywhere, it is too soon to be summer, but how I enjoy it!
The sunset when I got out of the airport in Stansted was beautiful. And there was fog over the meadow, so everything had a magical feel to it. The best part of the day is when is dawn, when everything is so peaceful and slowly going to sleep. A bit like a dream.
I was quite lucky on the trip to bump into a girl from Kungsholmen. Toria, who was a year below me and went to the same French class avec moi. We chatted all the way to Skavsta and until my plan left. She was going to Paris, where she's studying french.

I never wrote about the photo exhibition opening last wednesday. Everything got a bit exciting then, and all went super fast as usual. The suspense and hard work of the week finally had the result as the new exhibition "The Universal Language of Beer" opened. I got offered to be the in-house photographer for the evening, so there is me running around with my Nikon looking super professional. Some people actually thought I was a photographer! What a amazing feeling. There was free beer tasting, more than 10 different brands. I tried a chinese beer SNOW which was quite good, and some from Peru and other places. All the interns were there as well, so it was the first time we all socialized and had fun.

Then the next morning, I got up at 4am to go back to Sweden. In my four days in Sweden I managed to bake 3 cakes for Mimmi's Birthday disco party. There was 26 kids, and I had to arrange most of it (of course with my parents). Was tiring but lots of fun! She got so many present I'm a bit jealous almost. We also went to family dinner at her friends place as well and bowling and climbing hills and feeding ducks. The balcony was opened and new chairs brought out, so I suntanned a bit. I didn't leave Solna the whole time. Only left Frösunda to go to Solna Centrum for a necessary trip to the bank and Apoteket. I quite enjoy being HOME. And the normal looking through all the stuff on my shelf, reading old letters, old diary stuff. Lots of memories. Lots of thoughts.

It is easy to not think too much when you're busy with new exciting things. I'm not sure if I actually want to think. It's perfectly fine to be doing new stuff and experiencing new stuff. Makes life so much easier, and before you know it, one phase is over and a next begins... The interim is when the thinking takes places. For me I find it always difficult to adjust and change. Right now I'm in the middle of a good time. No need for too much nostalgia and future anticipation. Now is perfect.

Hand-on experience of Taylorism

2007-03-27T00:11:00.000+02:00

I have always hated manual labour. I have probably been spoiled by people around me who always help me do stuff I can't do myself. Such as carrying bags. Climb ladders etc. Being small and a girl, and pretty weak, it's easy to get away with not doing anything. And I really don't like having to carry heavy stuff. It makes me want to cry.

Anyway, today out of all days, with me getting my period and dying of stomach pain. Of course, of course! It's the day we really go physical. The gallery was closed, because a new exhibition is going up and we are refurbishing the shop. This meant in the morning we got to clean all the frames with photos. Me and Jess drew a straight line across all the walls (to be able to know where the photos go up). In the shop all the stuff had to be moved out and around, and we had to play handyman and take down shelves and repaint etc. This was without success, because it was badly planned and we didn't have tools (imagine trying to unscrew without a electric screw thingy). We repainted bits of the walls to white (because it was dirty). It was so amateur! Imagine four girls trying to do the work of a four grown men. Sigh... On top of that. There were several transport unload/upload. First one I managed to dodge away from. Second one, didn't. Had to carry loads of heavy frames down three flight of stairs to a car that was parked like waay far away across the road. I could only take like one at a time, and the others could do two. Driver felt sorry for me, so he ran over the street once to help me.

The last thing of the day was the worst though. At 7pm, when we are all exhausted. A empty van comes. Apparently we have to load it with stuff from the shed, which was: 100+ boxes of Playboy cards. We made a little chain, and passed the boxes one after the other onto the van. It was seriously like Charlie Chaplin's "Hard Times". Stupid Taylor with his Scientific Management, put people in chain and make them do the same monotonous movement over and over again. How efficient. And how horrible. I now really admire people who work in factories.

It really is strange how WORK makes you do things thing you'd never do otherwise. It is like you are almost forced to do things you don't want to do, but you don't really feel forced. Because if the other interns aren't complaining, then I can't? I don't think I have ever done this much physical labour in my life, and I'm surprised at myself for being strong enough to carry it all out being this weak and all. You can only bite you lip and continue...

Compressed highlights

2007-03-26T00:04:00.000+02:00

(because there is too much to write about, I will just have be concise.)

# Fourth day of work / Thursday

Emelie came to London. We went to a lovely japanese restaurant in Soho, basement floor and proper soba/udon and plum wine. Felt like back in Tokyo almost.

Afterwards we all went to At Proud, everyone was on guestlist and whe I said hi to Mr. Proud he told the bar to give us all free drinks! We saw:

Lucky Soul. They were really cute and happy and we got signed free CDs and the night was perfect.

# Fifth day of work / Friday

Went to Spitalfields Market near Liverpool St to see the Alternative Fashion Week because a designer Jen was working for (Jasper Gravida) was showing his clothes off.

Jen had made earrings for him, which me and Em both helped in wrapping up the night before actually. Lunch in LEON (a new favorite now), café in the market which feels like home with bookshelves and mismatched furnitures. Then I worked the afternoon. At night we went to Café Suki for a japanese electro/dj/dance night, near Brick Lane and crammed with cool looking japanese people. Met a few of Jen's chinese friends, and a bunch of us stumbled into a british pub which was having a karaoke night. I sang Yellow by Coldplay! Don't have any photos from that, but Jen took a video. Will get it off her later.

# Saturday

We spent a few hours eating dim sum in China Town.

With Jen's 30+ friends who were all established designers. Then we went shopping.

I love Dover Street Market. Rei Kawakubo (Comme des garcons) is a genius. Touching all the clothes seen on shows and magazines, what a feeling! We quite liked the left pair of shoe:

Here Jen is pointing at Katarzyna Sczcotarska. She is selling in the shop, and Jen helped make the clothes! (Well the labels anyway)

We window shopped Bond Street, Oxford street. Got tired and took refuge in the french chain PAUL.

# Sunday

Today I met Adrian and we went to:

The British Museum. And saw some interesting stuff, such as the mummy.

Being very touristy and Sundayish we went for a walk in Hyde Park.

There was some sun, but we were not so lucky. It was quite cold sitting outside...

Then we went to meet Jen at Spitalfields again, and had some fun taking photos.

There should be a interesting movie made from them soon enough.

One week in London over. 4 more to go! Now it's back to the air mattress again.. luxurious days of double bed is over. Jen's flatmate is back.

Third day of work

2007-03-22T01:02:00.000+01:00

Too tired to write properly today. Just back from seeing "Fast Food Nation" at a free showing in Prince Charles Cinema. Been a while since I was in a PROPER cinema (standardized Odeons don't count). I really like red seats for some reason. Blue is just wrong don't you think? Movie was well done, Richard Linklater is a GENIUS. I love him so much. He is really probably one of the directors I actually care about, who has formed me and is so much part of my life. I realized this when Ethan Hawke came into the movie and pulled a Jess post-30s with his hand gestures and "you know" that kind of stuff. It was so familiar I wanted to cry, like when you meet a very very very dear old friend again after many years of parting. It brings out the magic in moments and lovely memories. The young days and the romantic view of things. I'm a little addicted to creating random meetings and connecting with people I think. Fundamental issue of my nature that needs to be addressed. Never changing story.

Anyway, I'm talking bull after a tiring day at work. Not that I did too much, more like lack of physical work maybe. All alone with the computer most of the day by the front door desk. We had in total like 10 people visiting the gallery. I had some work to do though, like sorting out loads of emails and compiling some "confidential" information. The morning was actually really nice. All sunny and I hopped on a bus even (tubes get on my nerves sometimes). Saw how beautiful London morning can be! When I got to the office everyone was standing outside because the key wouldn't work. Locksmith got stuck in traffic, so we had to wait 2 hours. In the mean time I got to know another new intern Constanza and we went to sit at the corner italian deli where the italian men go "hey darling, how can I help darling, thank you darling" to all the pretty girls. She was French and had just moved to London 4 months ago, all alone and trying to find a job.I spoke un peu francais avec elle, et ca va très bien. The french really made me happy, j'espère que je pourrais parler en francais plus.

TODAY'S PHOTOS:

The look of the building we live in.

Almost brutalist minimalism near Elephant and Castle.

Bus journey pass Thames.

Constanza.

Second day of work

2007-03-20T22:45:00.000+01:00

Much better today. Started off working at Proud Galleries site near Trafalgar Square. Actually, near Embankment. Got shown around by an intern who graduated with an English degree in Oxford and knew what she was doing. Felt a bit out of place in the morning, there wasn't much to do and everyone was busy with what they had to do to give me stuff to do. Improved after lunch (Beef teriyaki bento from Wasabi down the road. Take-away with lots of businessmen), when Bryony (gallery manager/responsible for interns) and me went to the Camden site for her to give me an PROPER induction and training. Was really good to have a proper alone time with her and chat, could let her know my thoughts and what I really wanted to do. She gave me a really thorough background information, and inspired me to think of things I could do/improve for the company. Hopefully she will think of me when something needs to be done, and I'll get more responsibility and "climb the hierarchy of interns".

Already, as I suggest I could help her make sure of all the interns availability, I'm going to assist her in making the intern rota. She let's me know when who and who is working, so I have an overview. I'm going to get to learn this program where they keep all the customer information nd think I'll have to update the database. Also, learn how to sell the prints of the photographs. Next week there is a new photo exhibition up, opening on Wednesday, something to do with BEER. Anyway, will probably be compiling the guest list for the opening event and help out with setting it up. Once that's finished, my big project will be focusing on Corporate Event hiring.

I find London Underground hilarious. I almost got lost today at Charing Cross, because the tunnels went everywhere. Couldn't see the exit. Also, on my way home from Camden, all the tills were closed at the tube because the platform for the northbound train was too packed. Only in London would such a thing happen! The rest of us, southbound people, had to queue up to go through this little opening where the guard asked each one where we were heading to. One guy got annoyed and was like "you can't do this etc etc" to the guard and guess what he replied?

"Well maybe you can come and work with us and make a change then!" Haha, Hilarious.

Forgot to take photos so this is the only photo for today; when the bands came to set up towards the evening.

First day of work

2007-03-19T22:49:00.000+01:00

Got to work on time, after a take away coffee and croissant from Pret à manger, looking busy and very city. Girl who was suppose to give us "internship induction training" came late, turns out she was an intern herself. Also turns out the managers won't really deal with us, and we are just expected to work the front desk (reception and cash till for the gallery shop). One of the first things I do when I get to the work is when trying to turn on the electricity plug, manage to turn off the electricity plug for both CCTV and computer. Yay. Took them a whole day to fix up the CCTV again. Other than spilling my drink, no major accidents.

As usual I naïvely paint up a glamourous picture of how the industry is, fast-pace and cool cool. But it really isn't. Lots of annoying petty stuff to do (not just for interns but the managers as well). Nobody really knows what is going on. Managers usually know, but they are too busy to transfer their knowledge to us. The girl who manages the interns is doing a million other things as well, so we are left aside. Hierarchy is amazing, there is what, like 6 staff in the entire place and already the two on the top is like a no-no (never ever talk to them if it isn't something IMPORTANT). Interns help each other and we are suppose to solve the problems. They act like I have worked there forever on my first day, and thank god my head is on the right track. Managed to understand the whole reception answering call thing (directing them to the right person) and working the till really quick. Probably understood the till better than the girl who interned for several months before me. I realized that when I was printing the statements at the end of the day. At least I knew what they were for!

Basically, got a bit annoyed that I was put to do basic work that wasn't at all why I went for the internship. But then realized this is a good start. We always study about the front line staff, and how they are the initial point of encounter the service in Service Operations Management. Now I'm one of them and when I think of it that way it's quite interesting. Remembered all the Organisational behaviour case studies when the author would work as something in order to analyse it ("Hard times"?). George Orwell who was a bum for a bit, and wrote about his experiences. This is me, going through the arts and glamours industries. Exploitation of interns and the operations hell. The company is SO unorganized, I am amazed. And I realize in reality that is how most company's are run, on a short-term plan basis, with miscommunication between all parties. Staff turnover high up there, never being able to retain any good employees because once they suck out what they need (a referece on the CV) they will leave.

When I can be bothered I'll write about the girls I met today who were interning as well. Their stories are quite interesting. Anyway, now I'm too tired. The job really got me thinking about a lot of things which is good. I guess that's the whole point. Tomorrow I'm going to the other site, which is near Trafalgar square. It's quite different, more office like, and only a gallery. Staff might actually care. We shall see.

TODAY'S PHOTOS:

On the tube to work in the morning I couldn't resist to take photo of these lovely people.

Lunch with Heidi at a Indian food stand, yes she was nice enough to visit me so didn't have to each lunch by myself.

The building of Proud Galleries and Bar in Camden.

The front desk which serves both as a reception for the company and as the cash till to the gallery store.

A café I had to hide in during the rain at Leicester Square, when I couldn't get hold of Jen (I don't have a key yet) to go home.

The start of the London adventure!

2007-03-19T00:38:00.000+01:00

Here I am, in London. Elephant and Castle. Sitting on my inflatable mattress, how wonderful! It's all really exciting now, only slightly annoying that I'm getting a cold. Arrived successfully with my huge yellow pod of an suitcase even when the weather was hailing and sunny and very strange. Had the luck on my side I guess. Jen was lovely, was cooking pasta already when I got here. Settled straight into living together. Later we met a few friends for drinks at the local Charlie Chaplin pub. Then chips from the local chip guy.. yes, have to get to know these important people. Now I just need some good sleep before tomorrow. Have no idea what's in store yet!

THE LIFE OF TWO BEST FRIENDS.

Space for two laptops

Poor students sleep on mattresses..

We look so old these days! (Except chip guy thought we were 14, and called us baby face :)

Vendredi, le 9 Mars.

2007-03-09T19:19:00.000+01:00

Last night I watched 侯孝贤 (Hou Hsiao-hsien)'s movie Café Lumière. A story about a independent girl in Tokyo. Nothing really happens, except the fact that you find out she is pregnant and is researching on a project on a Taiwanese composer. She searches for this old jazz café Dat, which doesn't exist anymore. It's a really slow movie that captures the small tiny things in everyday life. Like dozing off on a train. The melodies playing on the Tokyo subway. Walking. The back alleys of Ramen shops. It reminded me so much of when I was walking in Tokyo in the summer. In particular the last evening, when we went for a very long walk as the sun was setting. When the heat of the day sets, and some shops are closing, and people are wandering home... It is such a lovely feeling.

I wish I could be studying something that involved researching in jazz cafés. I could live in cafés and book shops. There is something magical about them. And old things. I bought a old book from 1923 yesterday, a old history textbook named "Ancient Man". It is beautiful and so misplaced in my bookshelf.

Other old things include this sign on Regent Street in Leamington Spa as you can see from the photo below. That sign always captures me everytime I walk past it. Makes me think about about the bohemian 30/40s. Looking at that little corner of the wall can conjure up a wild imagination of bustling streets, ragged clothes hidden with elegance, artists, writers, Anaïs Nin paris...

Perhaps it's because of the book I am reading now. "Of Love and Hunger" by Julian MacLaren-Ross, written about his days as a vacuum-cleaner salesman in England in the 40s. I found a new café/bar in Leamington called The Sausage. With old couches, oldish furniture and fake bookshelf walls. They advertise "FREE WIRELESS INTERNET!" so next time I will bring my laptop there and sit and write something.

(As a footnote: I got my French l'examen écoute back today, and to my surprise I got 70%. On wednesday evening wOc won the Best Social Award, and I felt very happy. As the social sec, I guess this is the best reassurance of good achievement. I'm glad all the hard work paid off. Which means I can still afford to read in cafés, stroll around in the sun and drink to my hearts content without inferring major harm on my business degree. Yay.)

Stuffed.

2007-03-05T23:52:00.000+01:00

I like nice mornings. This morning was a nice morning. It was sunny and I woke up early to do my laundry. I even had time to go for a jog, down to the park and up again. Felt quite in control of everything. In uni, there were a few lectures, and spent some time studying by myself. In the evening went with a meal with the Warwick Volunteers exec in WingWah's chinese buffet. Stuffed ourselves with food and had the most interesting conversations. I will miss the exec meetings and general bitching, really felt like we were a great team. We are all so different, but worked really well together. Can't believe our whole year is over, almost started crying when we gave Marte her presents for being a lovely president. Very emotional how time flies.

I'm so bad at dealing with endings. (Especially when the new beginning is quite shit, next year's exec is such a joke, can't believe certain people got elected by default.)

I also got a random message from a girl in uni, saying that I was cute, and that I looked like this taiwanese singer Cheer Chen. I found her music video on Youtube... It's here. So yeah, is she my double then?

my camera decided to undump me!

2007-03-02T19:41:00.000+01:00

I was having a nice day today. After French exam was over and I actually did comprehend some phrases when listening, everything was bathed in glittering sunshine. I came home in the afternoon after a Marketing and Finance seminar and spent hours on Youtube looking at all the videos of my favorite music. I must have good taste in music, because all the videos for my favorite songs were awesomely creative. And they all have something in common it seems.

But the coolest part happened less than 5 minutes ago (as I got on this blog straight away to share this news with everyone). As I was cleaning my room, I opened my drawer. Inside was a big pile of unimportant stuff (well except my passport), and my camera looking pretty. I had a feeling it was calling me, like saying "please Janie, try me again, I think it is time". So I got my memory stick card and thought "wei, if this is going to work then it's insane". And the memory stick went in. And guess what...?

It worked.

So, I AM OVERJOYED! I'm glad my camera has forgiven me now. I think it has definitely taught me a lesson. It feels like it really has it's own life, when it didn't want to read the memory stick I felt so rejected. Like I was so bad. Anyway, I promise to be nice to it now and take less photos, and only pretty ones. I'm going to have to work on this relationship, after all it is the first time with an electronic appliance.

je vourdrais penser en francais

2007-03-01T11:44:00.000+01:00

Went to London yesterday. Spent a lot of time around Leicester Square. Back to the Photographer's Gallery first time since the last visit in May 2006. Can't believe it is ALMOST a year since I was there. Anyway, last time I fell in love with Rei Kawauchi. This time, no magic happened, none of the photographer's really stricked me. Went bookshop-hopping, and met Jen at Central St. Martins, where she gave us a feeble tour around. Covent Garden was visited again, same Food for Thought place, same streets we walked on. I really like doing the same stuff don't I? Makes me feel at home maybe.

Later we went to Camden to check out my work place, and I was very positively suprised. Hidden inside a tiny door was a huge venue. Art gallery and a huge marquee with pretty looking design. The people seemed really chilled out and friendly too. I can see myself working there, and running into the second hand shops just next door during lunch breaks. Buying cheap food at night after work. Taking the tube home. Live a different life. Lovely.

I have a polaroid camera now! And to digitalize it, I used my webcam to take a photo of my polaroid. Such a pain to not have a camera, but I think I'm getting use to it... It just itches so much when I want to take photos, and the moments just swish past, and I can't capture it. I guess I just have to use words, and try to remember things better in my mind.

hello SNOW!

2007-02-22T13:57:00.001+01:00

wow. my first ever uploaded video :)

The latest Profit and Loss Account

2007-02-22T13:22:00.000+01:00

( + )

- My bursary application was successful! This means Warwick Careers Centre pay my rent, transport and living cost in London during Easter. SUCH A RELIEF. So it doesn't mean too much that I'm working unpaid. Now I CAN'T WAIT to be living in London.

- Well, the fact that Emelie is going to Paris next year. Or I hope you really do!! And we need to speak a little longer on that. But it will be awesome, because you will be closer to me, and we will be fluent in French and then we will graduate the same year! VERY GOOD NEWS.

- I'm going back the last weekend of March, bought my cheap Ryanair tickets the other day. Can't wait to hold my sister's birthday party and be back home!! If only for a few days..

- Next week we will have elections, and soon I will be FREE from all responsibilities society-wise. No more meetings, god yes. In my third term I can be a hermit in the library, and I can finally learn something of my degree maybe.

- WE ARE GOING TO ROSKILDE!!! Well, we shall also have discuss this further. But everytime I think about the husvagn and camping and driving (I should really learn how to drive this summer) and excitment, I get all giddy and happy.

- I'm not alone anymore? :D

( - )

- Mostly technology-wise. I am hating technological stuff right now. MY CAMERA DIED on chinese new year. It now has error C13.01 which says in Japanese that it cannot read my memory stick. Happened out of nowhere. I put in other memory sticks, same thing. It is internal. And I check the repair costs, they are like £100+!! What I'm I going to do? (Time for a new camera? Finally getting a old vintage manual one?) Or call the damn service centre people first... how annoying.

- My mobile is also near its end... I can feel it. Soon there will be no more "OMG IS THAT A PHONE?!" - exclamations from random people I don't know.

Hm. Maybe I should just get a camera phone... What a solution (except for the fact that I'm so against those things).

I wish the world was flat like the old days, and I can travel by folding the map.

2007-02-17T19:02:00.000+01:00

Every time I speak to my grandparents it seems like time has flown by. Now my grandmother hears a little worse than last time, now my grandfather is a little bit more skinny, now my other grandmother has been in the hospital a little longer. Age is catching up with them, and myself. I'm twenty soon, and I can't be a kid anymore. I need to become a little bit more serious and a little bit more responsible. I know that. I think I have been doing a good job. But a good job still won't stop time. They will still grow older, older, and I will still have to carry on my life in England. I would like to be able to be closer to them, to pop over and see them now and then.

Maybe in two years time, and after me and Emelie have roamed the world, I will go work in China. I can't wait. I will try to get the most of university, but for now it really does feel a waste of time. You get a degree. You forget everything that you have learnt. But the degree does matter. It will be a ticket into the world, to a good job, to a good and safe future. To money. How I loathe this whole system. It feels so fake. But now that I am twenty, I guess I should know how to play the game. And I will. I will do it very well, I'm going to compete, fight, and get what I want. I will follow the rules. But inside, I won't change a bit.

I'm always going to be a dreamer, and I will always be seeing and changing the world according to my own point of view. I have been drenched in my own egoism lately, focusing all my attention on the little ups and downs in my life. How I feel. How everything is evolved around me. That can happen when you think nobody else cares about you. Now it is different. I'm strong enough to start giving. Yes. All to the new year. Year of the Golden Pig.

Listening to: Death Cab for Cute - The New Year ("there will be no distance to hold us back")

cause what i feel is kind of magical, and do i want this feeling to be real?

2007-02-12T01:14:00.000+01:00

I like when a power stronger than myself takes over me and makes me do things.

You know, when you get into a essay and suddenly the words just flow out from your fingers into the computer. Or when you start drawing and these beautiful images form under your palms. Or, even better when you sing and all these lyrics and melodies are created from your mouth.

So far, the first thing HAS NOT HAPPENED. I am dying here being ill and all, and my assignment is not going to write itself. And my attention span is seriously 2 minutes long. I write maximum 2 sentences and then I have to check something, and off I go.. mind wanders. It is so très annoying. I start thinking about becoming vegetarian, saving the world, what to do for the summer, how I've forgotten about Africa and how I wan to go out travelling again.

I can see the day (wednesday hopefully) when I shall be celebrating the handing in of the essay. And be dancing with joy and think life is great. Right now, however, all I see is dark night and grey skies and my world tumbling down into a pit of Sonite, Vodite, Markets and Penetration.

ARGH.

(found this little entry from 14 Oct, 2003 in my old blog. it seems like it's a recurring phase after all.)

Where did the words go?
Past two days i seem to be only spitting frogs every time i speak. I can't formulate myself anymore. And when you stand in front of a bunch of people and can't find the words, you get even more stressed, and then you total loose all of it. Oh well, i hope it's just a phase. I always thought i was a talker. But maybe i'm one of those what-the-heck-is-she-saying-talkers. I don't want to be that. I want people to get what i'm saying. I want to know how to TALK.I'll just blame emotional. But i don't think its really it. Cause my mind is usually blank when i can't find the words.
How do you explain that. Maybe i'm just stupid.
Doh.

(also; I have found a new swedish band Tikkle Me from Eskilstuna with a lovely cute song called Butterflies in my tummy. Go download it here.)

My best friend is myself? God no.

2007-02-10T01:16:00.000+01:00

Oh god. I'm getting into one of my moods again.
AAAH. Run away run away. No, it is silly, it is only because I'm getting ill and it's a Friday night. I have this assignment to finish (or start on) and all I did was watch The Devil Wear's Prada with Jon and Kosa. Now that is not productive.
The movie was crap, but I'm impressed by Merryl Streep.

Now I should really go sleep. But I feel like I should be writing something. You know when you feel like you are feeling something that is important, but it is all in your head. And it really is quite silly and you have no idea how to put it into words or explain it. Anyway, one of my moods. Like OO, I AM SO DEEP kind of thing.

Sometimes, honestly, I get sick of myself. I see the same thing happen over and over again. And it is the same pattern. It gets a bit tedious. I need a break.

2007-02-05T00:25:00.000+01:00

I spent a whole day escaping to Birmingham. Went to see the Flatpack Film Festival, there was this short film thing I wanted to see. Lots and lots of short anime film, and some where absolutely amazing! So creative. There was this one where they did a whole day when the person is lying on the concrete, and you film from above and it looks real-ish. Also, some swedish clay people thing and finnish cartoon thing. One movie that's online is Carlitopolis. I'll let you watch it instead of explaining. I realized that you can do lots of fun thing with a camera and an idea. Another cool thing was the cinema. The Electric is UK's oldest cinema, and they have sofa seats with bar. So it was leather sofas and wine at 1pm! How nice is that?

And then I ended up in a very cool vintage shop in Birmingham, and realized hey it's not London, but still... The cashier girl really appreciated my glasses! It doesn't happen too often in Warwick.

Ended up seeing The Science of Sleep again as well. How I love the hand-made, inventorish creativity. It really is a shame the movie is not widespread, because it is SO good. Makes me want to use my hand and make silly things now.

Written: Arts Centre, Friday 2 Feb when eating a panini.

2007-02-03T20:33:00.000+01:00

Overhearing conversations of the hear to heart sort. Captured by the loneliness of a Sean Rhys Book. Good morning, Good night. Days are lived by spending. Accomplishments? Memories. They take and give nothing. Sisters. I miss my sister.
They talk about finding yourself. Everybody wants to find themself. Nobody is perfect. What if you found yourself and all you see is a broken jar. What if you peel all your layers and realize that you are in fact worse than you were not knowing yourself?
How do you piece together the million pieces? There is no one-ness in a kaleidoscope. Only scattered images. Maybe we are all just scattered pieces, then there will be no point to do the puzzle. I'm impatient. I cannot wait and lay a puzzle that will forever be changing, losing and growing new pieces.
If I was a puzzle I'd be the nightmare kind where each piece has their own legs.

Week 14 update

2007-02-03T20:01:00.000+01:00

On contrary to the boring title of this entry, this week has been very interesting.

Monday I said goodbye to Maggie, forever. She is going back to Taiwan, and being the last one of the group with Misato, Takeshi and that lot it was very sad. We talked about old memories, walked around campus (river, Rootes, piazza) and drank quite a bit of wine. It feels like a era has ended. I was feeling very emotional.

Tuesday saw me being a nomad on campus. Walking around with my stuff everywhere, trying to study here and there and killing time. Alone. That is what happens when you have lectures at 11, and then nothing till 6pm. The good idea of studying does not always happen, and it is hard to plan to meet someone. If luck strikes you manage to bump into a few, and have coffee and chat. I really wanted to take a nap, and had nowhere to go. That annoyed me. We had Jigsaw in the evening, since we did not have a minibus this week, there was not many kids. I got competitive playing foosball, and then all the volunteers went for dinner in Brown's (Coventry). I was impressed at the loveliness of that restaurant in Coventry actually!

Wednesday I tried to be mature and went to do Pilatis, and was so tired afterwards (as in sleepy)! Maybe Yoga is better? Maiko, a japanese friend, had her birthday party. A surprise thing, all her friends made food and brought drinks. It was really nice actually.

Thursday evening I went to visit Manfred and Terry's house and was suppose to teach Terry dancing because he is stiff like a robot. But that didn't happen, instead we ended up chatting about this and that till late.

Friday was lovely! I was going to see Copacabana, a musical set up by Warwick students. Just before I was leaving the house, Kosa got back and had wonderful news. He got his intership at Deutche Bank. Wohoo! So we all went to see the musical and celebrated afterwards in Rootes Bar with wine. The whole £700/week pay made me rethink about my decisions, haha, maybe money is luring me a little, but NO. I will not fall in the trap. Anyway, the musical was very wonderful and I'm impressed by the professionality of our students. The whole set, costume and acting/dancing/singing was awesome.

Today I've been home. It's really sunny so it feels like spring. Yesterday I bought daffodils, and today they have bloomed. I really like the yellow happy color. I went for a walk today, and there was the ice-cream van and I bought ice-cream! God, I miss summer!

Muah Ice-cream.

Oh how pretty we are!

A slow sunday

2007-01-27T15:52:00.000+01:00

Today, I'm staying in bed because my stomache hurts. I like sundays like this, slow and relaxing. I love writing on laptop in bed, wearing my dunsockor and the sun shines in through the window. So I thought I might recap a few fun things I've done lately.

- I have seen the Blue Man Group in London. They are absolutely fabulously amazingly creative! Very difficult to describe what they do, but they mix paint, music and comedy all in one performance. They drum a lot on all kind of stuff that makes sound (pipes, pans, drums splashed in color) and the lighting creates a very beautiful setting. Then they have funny video stuff and question our human race, are we all the same? and What has technology done to us? We sat in the front row, wearing ponchos, because apparently they might splash stuff on you. Just when I started relaxing, as there seem to be no paint coming our way, the blue men's stomach started spurting out some gooey stuff and it came all over us! It got in our face, hair and clothes.. the more the crazy. The ending was also pandemonium, the started pulling paper towels from the back, and the audience pulled and pulled till it covered the entire space! Soon enough we were all covered in white paper, which was in a funny cool color because of the lighting. That's anarchy.

- I also went to my interview in London with At Proud and Proud Galleries. It went very smooth, and the girl was very sweet. She said I was very competent and think I can do all the jobs very well, so haha I'm going to be working over Easter and learn all the ins and outs of running a gallery and live venue/bar. I quite look forward to spending some time in London, be alone in a big city, see how well I can manage.

- This week has been One World Week in Warwick, which means a whole week of stuff going on like forums, shows, arts, movies. It reminds me so much of last year, when I was involved as model for the Fashion Show and dancer in the World Party (both with Baobab, the african society). I was so ill last year this time, I couldn't even speak! But this year I'm very healthy. I didn't get to see the Fashion Show this year because they oversold my ticket, and I was very very very pissed off. Last night there was the World Party and I was quite impressed by some of the dances. Also, our own baby wOc did a dance as well, and when the mc presented us and said "the wOc is hot!" I was so proud! I was also quite proud on Friday when we did our own party in Rococo with a Shanghai theme. Now I'm mostly relieved it all went well, and I don't have to worry about organizing stuff for a while.

I think I have come in terms with myself now. I have had a feeling lately that I have been uprooted. I guess when I moved away last year from home it all happened too fast, and there was so many new things that I could get immersed in. It is like morphin. Now I see things more clearly and realize it is a difficult situation. Belonging? I never really belonged anywhere. I belong with the people I care about it, that is why the London weekend with you girls was so important. We're all so independent now, I'm quite proud of us. I think the times when I'm unhappy is because I spend too little time with people and things I really care about.

On a sunday like this, alone on my bed, my thoughts are with everyone who is important to me.
I'm missing some of you, I will miss some of you in the future and I'm missing the ones who I still have not met yet.

Listen to: Hot Chip - "Crap Kraft Dinner" (Jen's recommendation) ... All the people that I love can't hear... All the people I love are drunk... All the people I love are here...

Ghosts

2007-01-24T01:19:00.000+01:00

I saw Ghosts today that made me feel a little like when I saw Lilja 4-ever. Shocked and hopeless and want to crawl into my bed and cry. It's not nearly as bad as Lilja 4-ever, but still made me think.

There is something with these reality based movies. They are so real, and the scenes are taken from our daily life except it is strangely distorted in the way that we don't see our reality the way we do because we are blind. When was I aware of illegal chinese immigrants in the UK? If I saw them walking on the street would I notice? Would I care?

They are slaves of their own fate. Choosing to leave their bustling poor villages to come seek fortune in the UK. At least being poor with lots of problems in China still meant family and support. It is a natural state, and their life is still bustling. But once they enter the grey gloomy England with half torn down houses and industries and trash there is nothing left anymore. Except money, which doesn't exist for them either.

Who packaged the chicken I ate today? Who picked the spring onions? The apples? It may well be an illegal immigrant (perhaps not even Chinese, but Indian, African, South American?) How can they exist in this society? They are ghosts to us and we are ghosts to them. We don't want to see them because we live off them, they make us happy in a way we don't know about.

But there is also the british underclass. There is also poverty in England. It's the millions of houses are the same brown dark brown dark, run-down surburbs, concrete nightmare kind of hopelessness. The children lack education not because they don't have the opportunity. Chavs we call them. Who taught them to become so rude? So unhumanlike? I want to sympathise but instead I don't even see them as real people. Where does their anger and frustration come from?

I guess I'm really quite angry after watching the movie. My thoughts are quite muddled up as well, as you may realize from my writing. I will now crawl into my bed and maybe stop eating, because who knows who prepared my food...

Ghosts is based on a real event, when 23 chinese illegal immgrants drowned in Morecambe Bay 2004 while cockling. http://www.ghosts.uk.com/

Kimchi and porridge

2007-01-19T00:21:00.000+01:00

My new favorite thing is Kimchi that I find in Costcutter for 99 p. Tastes delicious with porridge, all spicy and makes my nose run. Got home very late tonight so porridge and kimichi is all I have time to make, but it's rather nice and I haven't had porridge in a while. I think my mom passed on this gene to me, at least I think of her when I eat porridge every time.

I spent many hours setting up our photo exhibition this evening, but now I'm very satisfied. It was a little bit creative, and I got to draw and write and cut stuff out of cardboard. It was bit tiring to pin up all the photos though, and my thumb hurts. Here's the webiste I made for the exhibition. Yes, my new thing is minimalism. I guess I grew up from yellow and kitsch. But... maybe not. I still quite enjoy ugly plastic things :)

This whole day has been a massive storm. I almost got blown away. I didn't though, but the roof our library certainly did. They evacuated everyone from the library and surroundings because these massive tin plates where just falling off due to the wind. Crazy, they should have just let everyone stay at home because of the dangerous weather. That would have been nice.

Another week is over soon. I'm counting down the days... It will be nice to go to London this weekend, very very nice actually. And then I need to prepare for my first interview on Monday. Woo, I got an interview with an art gallery/bar called Proud Galleries in London. If I get it I shall be taking care of guest lists, promotions and administration. Event management in creative/art/entertainment sectors is perhaps what I will be doing in the future. It kind of fell into place, sort of combining all the things I like and am good at.

But, we shall see. Still have to deal with the interview first.

Rain

2007-01-11T11:55:00.000+01:00

I love the rain, when I can sit home and watch it from the comfort of my room. Shielded by my windows the water will crash onto the glass and shatter into a million molecules, fly or fall, jump or take, it will change every instant and become something new. I wish to be like raindrops, falling and dropping, and carry a lot of story with me. I wonder how many lives they have seen looking into the windows of so many people, staring out at them thinking that there is something more to life than this. These wise little water drops must know, they have travelled many miles and been around for many years. Long before us and even longer after us they will still look into the windows of our souls, and maybe catch a glimpse of something we did not notice ourselves. I wonder how many more like me are watching them right now, eating breakfast of honeyed-milk and honeyed-pain and listening to Damien Rice.

I see our roof outside my window, and there is grass growing on the sides. They are still green, and the rain makes them look so fresh and crispy. It is like a whole summer meadow on the channel that capture’s the rain. I have summer outside me window in January. If I shrank into the size of an atom, I could go and live there. It would be a big world of jungle and big scary monsters called Insects and nice seas of raindrops. I could build a boat of glass strands and sail away… SPLASH.

I love the rain, when I can daydream in the comfort of my own mind.

I'm a Cuckoo

2007-01-09T01:22:00.000+01:00

My first day of term 2 passed by happily. I spent more time with the computer than anything else, writing and writing and erasing and re-writing. This report on queue management is just taking so much time. I have reached the stage when I just want to FINISH, but can't. It is frustrating indeed. However, I still managed to meet some people and have a sort-of social life. I do have to say that I feel a lot more like myself now. I feel very comfortable with my new look, even when people make fun of me. I enjoy being different. It's like stating a fact, I am different from the people here, so I might as well show it. Not conforming, no definitely not. I wish I could find some more people like me though, it has been such a long time since I have managed to met someone new who understands. Someone who can inspire you and be inspired by you. Because I want to develop in that way, the creative weird side of me. It is just so not happening with queue management.

But still, I'm going to hit it! I will finish it tonight!

Listening to: Belle and Sebastian - I'm a Cuckoo
"I'd rather be in Tokyo, I'd rather..."

l'année 2006

2006-12-31T14:21:00.002+01:00

Today I feel like Winnie the Pooh. A little wise, calm and fat. But in a cute way. I've been doing what I do traditionally on the last day of year, reading my diary and blog and whatever other stuff I scribble down. I've forgotten a lot of things! It's nice to remember them again, and see it through like a little screen, because obviously even if I can remember how I felt like when writing those things, I'm not in it anymore.

Year 2006. Très crazy, and avec beaucoup de changes. All the time, every day, so much happening and so much leaving and coming. I sometimes enjoyed it really much (when I was strong and happy and felt self-confident) and other time when it went worse, I really hated it and could not adapt at all. Basically, when I felt like shit, and people around me were all rolling on perfectly and all growing up, I felt left behind and still "what the hell am I suppose to do?" and when I felt really good, I felt really good. Mood swings has been very major, like a unpredictable weather report (idea stolen from Fury by Salman Rushdie). I've probably felt the most depressed as I have ever felt in my life, and also the happiest and most content moments in my life as well. But somehow when I read those moments now, the words can't seem to bring out the real horribleness or greatness. They hide the real way I was feeling, when depressed: trying to make things sound better, or try to get someone's sympathy, when desperate: screaming for help but not uttering a sound, instead using lyrics or blog titles, when happy: not as happy as I really was that happy, when sad: actually those where good, it captured the bittersweet emotions.

Anyway, MOMENTS, yes. They characterize this year, and because they are sometimes utterly different moments and things it is hard to link one and one together. So many of my entries have been "so lost and confused" and I felt I'm loosing myself and all my threads. Especially when I think I find something and it turns out to not be what I thought but something else, and I have to start over again. Or maybe it was what I thought, but then somehow I can't keep it. Or it's me leaving it. Somehow I never managed to keep anything this year except memories.

And my memory is very poor this year, I'm perhaps becoming senile at the age of 19. I can't remember things, and sometimes I mix them up with what I have been thinking about or dreaming about. VERY MESSY. So when I was in Japan, at Meiji Shrine, I made a wish... it said something like: "please guide me to find myself and all the threads that are lost, to make me who I'm suppose to be and strong enough to do what I'm suppose to do".

This can all be summarized by some of the major highlights of the year.

BOOKS: The Alchemist/Momo/The Little Prince
AUTHOR: Haruki Murakami (read most of him this year)
SONG: Upstairs by Psapp which saved my life in the summer (I'm not who what I was or what I will be there is no one guess for me)
Other music: Bobby Baby, a lot of Lamb, Devics, Télépopmusik, Death Cab (somewhere around februrary)
CONCERT: Lou Rhodes
WORK: for WWF
MOVIE: The Science of Sleep
PHOTOGRAPHY: Rinko Kawauchi
TRAVEL: Tokyo and Zaragoza (big moment in the church)
DAY: 26th July

Such a list, I guess no one will understand what those words mean to me. I've spent a lot of time with myself this year (although still complaining all the time in diary that I'm not spending enough) and I'm on this whole big expedition to UNDERSTAND myself. BE myself. DO things that is ME. Nothing different from before, the usual you know. However, before I was quite confident that my way would always be right, and I'm not so sure anymore. But I'm finally getting it. It doesn't matter, I'm never going to get it. So (OMG, MASSIVELY BEAUTIFUL SUNSET OUTSIDE!!) what I can do is just try to keep the good things a little longer and try to not be depressed as long and stop exaggerating things.

Perhaps 2007 will see a truly grown-up Janie, but how fun would that be? I enjoy being a kid, and I know my time is running out.. SO, trying to prolong my kid-ish spirit I have now cut my hair to a bob (making myself look majorly younger) and bough massive framed glasses (from the old days) and a coat that looks like it's too small for me. Crisis? No, just style I hope. A new me, and a more me me, that still won't conform to the majority.

Note to myself: I like old things. A discovery I have made now, vintage and things that are used. Even booked, I like the creaks.

A random semi-relieved mood

2006-12-04T03:24:00.000+01:00

There was hail last night. In my sleep I heard big fat ice blocks crashing on my window and it woke me up to a semi-dream state, and I thought the world was ending.
But I was still alive in the morning, and the sun was out! How great is that?

Finally done with my essay. Woohoo. It is just ONE essay really, don't know how people do it who have like FIVE essays. I have the focus-ation of a dog, seriously, cannot keep my mind on one track for more than 10min. My mind is such a mess sometimes.

But I hope it makes sense. It doesn't to me, now I think back to what I was thinking earlier and think what the hell was I thinking? Have to stop staying things like "like" and "yeah" because I can't finish my sentences (by then I have already lost what I really wanted to say). Ah, what can I do?

Anyway, I'm in a happy mood. Had two "christmas" dinners this weekend. Reason for apostrophies: one was chinese food, the other japanese. Last night we had chinese take-away in the house, and today went o Japanese societies social. Both were lovely, but lacked moose, reindeers, christmas carols and pepparkakor! And snow!

I just have to do a little complaint though. This year I'm so unlucky with deadlines, with the last test on FRIDAY. THE LAST DAY OF TERM. I have to do a french test. Before that I have another finance exam. Bleh. Last year I finished before everyone else, now I have to study study till the end. That is so uncool.

Dreams of Flying

2006-12-02T02:16:00.000+01:00

Dear me, I spend way too much time in the library. I got so inspired today I even took photos in the girl's bathroom.

It's like the ultimate choice between using paper towels or cloth-y roll. Dilemma. Save a free trees or actually dry hands?

Also found Jon Von Holleben's photos. "Dreams of Flying". Such a sweet set of photos, kind of traps the mood I want to be in. Screw being cynical, I want to be childish and break all boundaries. I'm still young, so why I'm I thinking so much for? During lunch today I was talking to the staff of Warwick Volunteers, and both of them are single moms, said something like "lucky you guys still so young and not delusional". That really scared me. I don't want to end up like that.

So. Reminding myself to not conform. There is nothing worse than doing what everyone else does. Seeing Jen's new creation makes me look forward to a lovely bright future where growing old doesn't mean growing cold and boring.

P.S. I have a little radio on the right with Télépopmusik, a newly found french electro band. Enjoy!

nande??

2006-11-30T02:10:00.001+01:00

Japanese class really cheered me up today. Had skipped one class, and felt like I was so far behind, but caught up very fast. Our teacher said (as a joke I presume) that we could write our blog in Japanese now, so here I go:

Watashi wa kyo supu o nomimashita. Watashi wa aisu kurimu mo tabemashita. Aisu kurimu ga suki desu! Watashi wa hitori de gakko ni ikimashita.

Ok. That's enough. The sentence structure makes my head spin. But stuff like "furaido potaito" makes me and everyone in the class very giggly and happy.
I kind of realize that I should perhaps spend more time on French, which I'm actually SUPPOSE to be doing. But I never do what I'm suppose to do, pourquoi?

Varför? Why? Pourquoi? Nande? Wei she me?

That's my five languages in one question. If only I knew all of them like I do with english... maybe then everything will clear and answers will fall onto my head. Peut-être. Je dois penser en francais. Et aussi en suèdois, parce qu j'ai commencé à l'oublier. Mitt huvud kommer att explodera. Aaaaah. This is where things get complicated (and at the same time stuff such as CAPITAL ASSET PRICING MODEL and CALCULATION OF MARKET RISK PREMIUM have to go into my head). Merde.

Revenez à aisu kurimu.

a good sunday will make a monday feel less intimidating?

2006-11-27T01:20:00.000+01:00

Just back from Mumbai Bluu where me, Steph and Emelie had a lovely time with three different coloured cocktails and lots of talk about how we hate to be not in control and how MEN are just asses. It was one of those ranting moments, when generalizing is alright and no justification has to be made on what you said. A very girly "sex and they city" kind, where everything we say are right and everything else is wrong.

Sometimes you just don't want to understand things. I do things my way and that's it. I've always been stubborn like that, except nowadays I don't slap people haha. I'm a little bossy sometimes, but I'd like to think that I've changed (and Jen, don't go "hahahahah, you so haven't" :p)

I want to make my blog interesting like it was before. You can so tell that when I talk about studies it is hiding what I'm actually thinking hehe. Or maybe not. But yeah, I don't really write straight off my head (which is blank a lot when I stare at the screen) which I should. That would make life more interesting!

Today was a very lovely day. Went shopping for Kosa in the morning, and cooked him a full english breakfast. His left foot has swollen up like a crazy thing without any warning, so we are all very shocked, and he is in much pain. But we told him he should think of himself being lucky, you know, at least he has a foot. I went squashing with Lucy in the afternoon, and it's always nice to hit the ball very very hard.. Then I did some essay writing and french CV writing. Came back and my duck soup was ready, of which I made noodles of. Then off to the girly chat with the girls.

This is totally how a sunday should be! Now off to sleep :)

a change of scenery

2006-11-25T17:59:00.000+01:00

I am finally getting my ass onto my Mergers & Acquisition essay. Go me.
Library seriously feels more home now. Same spot, same windows reflecting in the dark. But I'm different haha.

Anyway, as I am so immersed into my researching and writing, I just happened to stumble onto my Zambia Travelogue. It's still up on the internet!

Which kicks some energy in me! Seriously, what's up with me this week??? I'm turning into my worst nightmare. SO. It is time to get my act together and get Janie back. I mean I guess I've now learnt some thing about myself this week that I didn't think existed in me (BAD BAD GOEY GREEN MONSTERS) so it's like... I'm a little not used to it and cannot adapt. It shall all be good with time, because then I can shoot the stupid monsters and carry on with life.

But, back to Zambia. I received this email from a guy there again, and that's why I started to think back. What happened to all my life-changing emotions, and like oh-my-god we have to do something?! It's all there somewhere inside me I still hope! Enough feeling sorry for myself, and move on to more important things. Seriously, what are my problems anyway? Life is grand :D

(p.s. thank you darlin' (em) for yesterday and kicking in me some sense, i miss you muchos, and wish we could get married and travel the world together haha)

Thoughts before going to bed.

2006-11-24T01:18:00.000+01:00

Looking through old emails I wonder, where did all those good times go? Did someone come and take them away? Those sweet words and not so sweet words, it seems all so far away. You forget they exist in the dusty folders of your inbox. But they are still there. All those people you forgot. All those people you were once so close with. They are still there, and somehow reading all the old messages makes me sad.

I'm not sure if this is because I'm not allowed to feel sad, I should be a machine just like Jen said. There is no time to feel nostalgic and sentimental. Was I happier before? Was things things simpler before? Somehow I have a feeling that before, things were simpler but I wanted (perhaps subconsciously) to make them more difficult and nowadays things are complicated but I want them to be simple.

Complications that build up to the present cannot be erased no matter how much you try, it will always be there. It's like pieces of a broken bottle you try to glue together. Try to fill it with water and it will run through the cracks. That makes me sad. Sometimes I wish I had considered things better before, so it wouldn't be as painful now. But could I have done things differently? What if it was all inevitable.

Now I'm hearing "Song for a sleeping girl" again. It will carry me to sleep. Like old times.

(Mom, don't worry about this entry, it will not affect my studies :)

duck soup.

2006-11-23T00:38:00.000+01:00

I made my first soup today and it was aaaaaaaamazing.
Soup will definitely be my new thing. It takes like an hour to boil, but you don't really have to do much. Just put the two duck legs in, some potatos, carrots and spring onions and leave it on the stove. So cheap as well.

For mom, you must be worried about me. These last few weeks will be SO busy. Besides from getting a little fever, and having the huge amount of work piling over me today was really nice. I met some old friends I hadn't seen for a while, and met everyone in my Baobab (african) society again. It's strange how things change! I use to be so involved with the africans and be like totally crazy about them, and then... I forgot. I got into other things. But it was nice to see them again, and remember.

Can't wait for these two weeks to be over. Tough tough tough.

it's like a massive firework display in my head

2006-11-21T01:09:00.000+01:00

Thoughts on the bus to uni:

Why when I fall head over heels I just land smack in my face?
Borat made me sick. Cannot get horrible imagery from my head, it's like being mentally abused.
Want: simplicity (like that of beginnings, things always get so tangled up, messed up, weird and awkward at some point. can't stand tensions and unsolved complications lingering in the air. blown-up exaggerations and dramatic rumours. silly, yet it seems the older we get the more water we pour over our heads. i don't want to be drenched anymore, and i want everyone around me to get our of the puddle. can somebody hand me a towel and wrap me up?)
Need: to adapt to changes better.

Now I have decided. I'm going to Solvay Business School in Brussels next year! I really feel like I want to go back to Brussels, perhaps more than my interest in France. There is so many nice things about Belgium (beer, waffles, frites, bars, cafes) not mentioning one of the top european business school and being like WAY cheaper than France. But it will only be for 6 month, the next half of the year I'll go to Paris and find a job. Live my Parisian dream.

It's nice to arrive to a conclusion. Also good to talk, my house had a house meeting today and we all kind of started pouring our hearts out. Hopefully there will be more communication from now on, and cleaning.

Yesterday watched Whale Rider. Sweet movie. Today watched Y tu mama tambien. Interesting... Tomorrow will have no free time. Finally have a minibus for our volunteer project, so we're going to pick up all the kids again!

last minute person

2006-11-16T01:17:00.000+01:00

I'm learning to know myself better. And, finding that I am truly a last minute person. I just am capable of so well to do things last minute.

Like, this thick handout I was suppose to read for a seminar, I received it 2 weeks ago. I tried reading it, everytime, after 2 pages, I got bored and put it away. But the night before the seminar, suddenly my mind became clear and it all made sense. This morning, an hour before the seminar it worked even better. And at the seminar I ended up being the only one who actually read the whole pack, and had to explain one of the articles to the class.. Haha.

Basically, there is no point in starting with things too early. Just do it right before, and it works out. At least for me.

Otherwise I had a very busy day, and caught up with a lot of work. Especially finance. A lot of things are making more sense now, so even if I have more work after coming home from Edinburgh, it is true, I seem to be able to deal with it better. I can study without feeling fed up with university, and actually be able to concentrate.

What a geeky entry. I'm going to shut up and go to bed.

lovely gems and magical moments in scotland.

2006-11-13T22:07:00.000+01:00

I'm back from Scotland! Four days with no worries, and spontaneity. Lovely nature and people. Thought I'll let the photos speak for themselves.

This greeted us on Thursday morning when landing into Edinburgh. Had no idea it would look so exotic!

Then the next thing we see is this guy playing his bagpipe. I was lucky to catch the dad and son watching him... so sweet.

Autumn leaves beneath the Castle Hill.

Ever wondered how a double Janie without head looks like? :)

Whiskey and dinner (haggis, of course) at a tiny Halfway Pub, a sweet little pub with lots of vintage signs everywhere and a very local clientele.

Also managed to meet Maya, who I haven't seen since March (randomly bumping into at Bonden).

Next day we went to Inverness, and stayed at an adorable hostel called "Bazpacker's". They have a cat and a fireplace.

We decided to make our own food and bought delicious scottish mussles! (oh, the look of envy from the other hostel people)

Of course Loch Ness was visited, and how lucky we were that there would be sun and then rain and icy cold wind. On the ferry the rainbow hit the water, such a pretty sight.

We arrived at Urquhart Castle, and I ran around taking photos and felt whatever I always feel when I visit ruins. Something urgent, especially with bitter wind blowing in my face, and sun and rain falling.

Yeah, that's me watching the sun coming out... (and disappearing again a second later)

Hootananny's is the pub in Inverness that we visit THREE times. First time, lunch (thai soup of all things), second time, ale and some random old people dancing/singing at 3pm, third time...

We went with a few people we met at the hostel, and ended up dancing like crazy (thinking we are scottish) after two french guy buying us so many drinks. They themselves screamt the loudest, and sang le Marseillaise all the way home... The scottish were unimpressed. Oh, yes, this is me and Laura (canadian girl) doing our innocent look pose.

Here's the two crazy french guys I was talking about.

Afterwards we went to the River Ness, and drank beer and played guitar.

Sadly we had to leave Inverness and return to Edinburgh, where we stayed in this cute High St. hostel (well at least lounge-wise, the dorm turned out to be a bit dodgy...).

Last thing we did was to climb Arthur's Seat, and of wonderous magical luck it became sunny when we arrived at the top and the sun was setting! This is definetly my favorite photo from the trip. It was like we all dissolved in ray of lights and stood on the edge of the world.

So that's it. "We love you Edinburgh!" and bye-bye for now.

But oh, I have to finish off with a Gaelic Coffee (mmm...)

To the land of nessies, kilts and cute accents.

2006-11-08T12:47:00.000+01:00

I've always wanted to go Scotland. Ever since... Travis?
Transpotting? (or more like Ewan McGregor?)

Yes, I think it was Ewan McGregor.

Haha.

I'm leaving in an hour for campus, then will take my lovely wOc people to Birmingham by coach and do some shopping. Have a great night of buffet (dou fu hua for dessert!!) and karaoke. After that straight to the airport, where I will sleep and wait for the flight at 6am tomorrow morning. I want to be a nomad again. Only live with my bag, and my pen and book... and mp3 (very important).

For the time being I will just forget about university. Hopefully I will be so very enrichened by the trip that all the work will be so easy when I get back...

*cough* I might get a FT to read on the plan. And Le Monde.

and history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us

2006-11-06T23:28:00.000+01:00

I've been listening Regina Spektor a lot today. I like "Fidelity" and "Samson" in which she sings a line which is now the title of this entry.

She also has this funny song called "Consequence of Sounds" in her Songs album:

"The weather report keeps on
Tossing and turning,
Predicting and warning,
And warning and warning of,
Possibly it could be news publications and,
Possibly it could be news TV stations. That
Very same morning right next to her coffee
She noticed some bleeding and heard hollow coughing and
National Geographic was being too graphic,
When all she had wanted to know was the traffic
"The worlds got a nosebleed" it said
"And we're flooding but we keep on cutting
The trees and the forests!"
And we keep on paying those freaks on the TV,
Who claim they will save us but want to enslave us.
And sweating like demons they scream through our speakers
But we leave the sound on 'cause silence is harder.
And no one's the killer and no one's the martyr
The world that has made us can no longer contain us
And profits are silent then rotting away 'cause

The consonants and vowels
The consequence of sounds.
The consonants and vowels
The consequence of sounds.
Ah ah ah..."

Exactly one year ago today, what was I doing....

Haha, Lucy reminded me of that today. Midterm Crisis, woho here I come.

remember, remember the 4th of november...

2006-11-05T23:56:00.000+01:00

Although for me it will perhaps be another day of November that I will remember.
Today and tomorrow are special days.

Last night I went to see the Fireworks and Bonfire of 4th November, in memory of Guy Fawkes who almost blew up the parliament. It was set on the lands by Kenilworth Castle, a old ruin near Leamington. There was a lot of people, and it was COLD. But the fireworks were really pretty, and you get stand so close to it so it looks like the lights are falling onto your head.

Getting home was a nightmare. There was almost no buses, and we had to wait a long time in the cold. My toes were dead by then, and so was my mood.

Today, I went to the library and studied Mergers & Acquisitions together with Globalization and other things. Me, Kosa and Jon stayed there the whole day, and came home at seven. Ate some pizza, and now I'm here.

sick but it's all good.

2006-11-04T00:50:00.000+01:00

Today I had 3 hours of french in the morning. It's hard to do 3 straight hour of french in the morning, especially trying to remember the SUBJONCTIF. After that I had a Marketing Seminar, where we talked about Levi Strauss's marketing strategy and stuff. Sold some tickets for the wOc Birmingham trip next week after that.

I think I had fever, and my throat has gotten a bit swollen again. It is getting really cold here, so I went to Coventry with Vivian and then shopped in the amazing Primark for 2 hours. Now I have lovely scarf, hat, gloves plus some thick clothes for cheap cheap price. Shopping made me feel better. Way better, like it even took away my fever. Afterwards we had HOTPOT in a small chinese restaurant, which was amaaaaazing!!! We had like three plates of lamb, five of vegetables and some beef. For 2 girls that was a A LOT of food, but since it was all you can eat why not. It was nice to just chat and eat as well.

Got home at 9pm, and been on skype conference with Jen & Em, so happy they have internet!! Now I feel like I don't miss anything anymore.

ALSO, booked my flights back to Sweden! I'm flying back with Ryanair together with Jen!!! Yaaay! On the 9th December. And staying till the 5th January. Ryanair had cheap ones again, so it's all good.

A regular wednesday

2006-11-02T00:13:00.001+01:00

Today started with a Principles of Finance lecture, of which I found out that I have an exam by the end of this term. I am so far behind, need to to some serious studying!

Then I went to the Warwick Volunteers office to finally reimburse my bus tickets, they have been accumulating over the term, but now it is finally done.

For lunch I ate my homemade baguette in Rootes Social, with Kenny and Bill selling tickets for the wOc Birmingham trip. A little success, people seem too lazy to come all the way there to buy tickets.. We also gossiped about wOc stuff, and got excited over what a crazy party we will plan for One World Week and SoulAsia. It seems that wOc is now the "cool" social organization, as Chinese societies is good with promotion, HK with financing etc... we just do the partying part. How to make people have fun.

Then I had to dash off, because I was suppose to hold a speech for some old people. There is this U3A, university for old people in Leamington, and every month they ask someone to come and speak about their home country. Peter, the group leader, came and picked me up on campus with this car, and then I enjoyed an hour and half in a room in St.Paul's church (right by my house actually) talking to 15 old people about Sweden and China. This is part of volunteer work, and it was so much fun actually. The old people were lovely, and so kind to me.

Email from Peter: Dear Janie. It was lovely to meet you this afternoon. You have a very interesting story to tell and you told it in a very attractive way. Thank you so much and i do hope that we meet again.

After some tea and biscuit and lots of questions from old people I had to rush back to campus, where we had a very important "Year Abroad Meeting". Finally, I found out what I can do for my next year in France. I think I will choose to study the whole year, and most likely in Lyon, Dijon, Grenoble or Pau. I don't want to study in ESSEC Paris, because it's not even in Paris, it's in Cerny. I really don't feel like going to a suburb with 70% black people. Rather, maybe a little village or town would be nice. These universities are in collaboration with Warwick, so we don't even have to apply. They fix everything for us, simple and nice. However, I might try to find a job for 6 month in Paris, then I can study 6 month in a nice cozy place and work 6 month... need to sort that out soon enough.

Last thing on the agenda was Japanese class where I learnt how to ask the time (ima nanji desu ka?). I was done my 8.30pm but then the bus that was suppose to come then did not, so I had to wait another half an hour. In the freezing cold! When I got back I went straight to the fish & chip shop around the corner of our house and got chips.

I've been sorting out details of my Scotland trip since... I can't wait to get away next week-end! Now I'm going to sleep. I will wake up early tomorrow to study.

With young people yesterday

...and old people today

and the stormed blew off.

2006-11-01T01:43:00.000+01:00

The sky went clear. The sun was up today, literally and my mood went like upswing.
It is really thanks to someone. Funny how things can happen like that.

It is good to talk, and talk and then talk a bit more.

November is a curious month, so much happens in November. Very much drama just like last year, but this time it is not concerned with me. It is around me. Like a tornado, maybe I am the eye of it. It is all spinning around me, but I am still and able to watch it all so it is okay.

I think I can find some peace finally.

till the clouds clear...

2006-10-29T23:33:00.000+01:00

"so here you are, demons screaming in your head
you try to shut them out but they just get louder instead
and nothing you do can seem to break through
this darkness smothering you
when it takes hold, your heart turns cold
the very soul seeps out of you"

what you gonna do
when the storm the storm takes over you?

I feel drained. Like when you try to squeeze the last toothpaste out of the holder, all wrinkled and empty. Everything is going great, our launch party was a success, house is lovely, friends are great, but it takes so much energy to organize things I do not have any time for myself.

I need more time for myself than just waiting 40 minutes for the bus. I hate waiting for the bus. It's really getting annoying now. Some days things just flow really well, today was not one of those. So I'm going to bed.

[edit: on a more positive note, to see emelie again on her birthday was absolutely lovely. sweetie, i have really missed you, i just think i am too busy to realize that, which is a shame. summer feels like a lovely dream now.]

We found a cute little café called Bertie's in Leamington, it was sweet and we even went to a art gallery for independent artists.

wOc launch party

2006-10-26T14:22:00.000+02:00

Our baby is finally launching. See it is even on the union website!!
It's like all the blood, tears and effort (well, mostly the latter) is all worthwhile now. Tonight is going to be amazing. I've prepared a heart-throbing speech and a thank you list that is like SO long. It is such a cliché but I love it.

"...to provide a home, a place to belong when home is very far away sometimes..."

I'm so excited now, but will take a nap before Emelie arrives. It will be a loooong night... I want to be able to enjoy every second of it!

cacophony will be nice.

2006-10-25T00:37:00.000+02:00

What is going on in my mind?
How many tickets sold, who have I forgotten to invite, who has already joined...
wOc, wOc, wOc.

Then Jigsaw, which pissed me off today. The project is no longer as it used to be, because some youth worker has a VISION of FUNDING AND MONEY. They want the "young adults" to come up with their own ideas to what to do. Why can't we simply play games and have the time of our life for 2 hours? I liked that.

It was sunny today. I wished I could just lie on the grass or sit on bench and read a book. I only had a half an hour to finish my homemade sandwhich. Then there was trying out the DJ equipment, and organizing for our party this thurday.

I think I need a day to just stare up in the sky. Listen to Kings of Convenience and feel a little something. I might even eat ice cream and do a little poetry, what a pretentious cliché. But that's me. I'm done with organizing. I want chaos.

Stock markets and risk aversion.

2006-10-23T17:17:00.000+02:00

I'm home doing laundry. Two weeks of dirty clothes, now I'm wearing some huge black t-shirt given to my by Millenium Volunteers and some random stripy socks with a little vest. The vest does the job, a little vest can make such a difference from "fashionable" and eeky looking.

I want to buy Viktor & Rolf clothes for H&M. I hope they do sell them in Birmingham, that will give a good excuse to go there and shop. I need winter clothes, for some reason I had decided to only bring summer stuff with me from Sweden. It is starting to get really cold here, what happened to the humid warm british autumn?

Had two lectures this morning, and fell asleep in both of them. I even dreamt. There is just something with the lecturer's voice, they are so nice and soothing... so easy to sleep to. It's not a good thing really, but it's okay.

Have a exec meeting over dinner in Birmingham tonight, we are going to Café Soya, our main sponsor to eat. That will be nice, some proper chinese food. So I better go and do some Corporate Finance problems now. Stock markets and risk aversion, weee. (I really do like the cling of those words, it sounds so poetic in a sleepy way)

as you know, you're here for changes.

2006-10-19T23:11:00.000+02:00

It's been a while since I've been myself. There is just far too much things to kill a creative spirit, it is really true that someone can drown in busy-ness. Life can just pass you by and you can become a nice little machine. But no, I am not and will not be a machine. I haven't even had time to miss anyone. That is just not Janie. Janie is always missing someone.

I looked at all the photos of my summer and Mimmi. I missed home a little. My creativeness and crazy little sister. She told me today she has started learning violin!! How adorable is that. And finally with internet I can use my webcam again, so I saw her. That makes it worse, cause you just want to disintegrate into your computer and come out at home. Read a story in bed, and sleep on my lovely bed. I miss my China... Japan... even sitting in dad's car (of which I abhorred after the car trip down to France). Now everything seems so pretty, I like it.

some little signs of life in britain

2006-10-18T23:55:00.000+02:00

Reflection of myself in a double decker. The bus I take to campus and back every day.

The street outside our house.

Our house, with little Kosa just walking out of the front door.

The Washeteria from 100 years ago. Seriously you should see how old the machines are! They also close at 3pm on Sundays, which is why my clothes are lying in the machine (second to the right) and I can't get in.

British Parking.

Our backyard. Look how pretty it is with plants and stuff!

The Parade of Royal Leamington Spa. Main street and only five minutes away from our house.

View from the highest hill in Leamington.

14th Oct, 2006

2006-10-14T23:22:00.000+02:00

I have internet!! Finally..
So managed to sort out my photos, and get my online virtual life back.

Went and bought lots of pillows today because it was sale, so my bed is nice and cozy and I can read in it! It's like a couch. My room is pretty now. I love it.

Friday we had a first social for Warwick Volunteers, and it was a success! Who said volunteering people are boring haha... but I'm very happy it went well and it is lovely to hear people say "thanks, we had a good time, when is the next social?"

Social for wOc this Tuesday was also amazing. 60-70 people showed up, and most of them were actually NOT our friends! I was a bit ill that day, but still managed to shout and play games with people. Really looking forward to the launch party now, which I have to start properly planning now.

Had my first Japanese class as well, which was great fun. It's nice and relaxing and we learnt how to bow!! Haha..

Happy there is another day of freedom! Sunday.. how I love the weekend. I wish I had more free time. Actually, I wish I had more time in general. Please, will somebody trade some time with me?

5th Oct, 2006

2006-10-06T00:16:00.000+02:00

I met a guy from Wuxi today!!! That was well random. He dropped in to our Volunteering Fair and somehow I asked where in China he was from.. and it was Wuxi. I miss speaking my dialect, so now I have someone to talk to, yay.

Another crazy busy week with societies. Today we had the Volunteering Fair, with 60 different projects. Me being both a exec and project leader had to run around and look very busy. So relieved and happy for getting new members, and even a driver for our Jigsaw project! Can't wait to see the refugee kids again in two weeks.

Yesterday was Societies Fair so I was there with wOc, our new society and we did made a massive hit. Must have gotten around several hundred members... So it all worked out. I'm I thinking of joining more societies? It's funny cause so many of my friends are involved in different ones, and I just want to go to all of them! But no. Will not do that because that will end my life.

I had to wake up at 6 for two days in a row. It is not fun at all. Lectures have taken place as well, they seem alright actually. Need to start doing some reading for that as well...

And yes, I signed up for leisure course in japanese! Haha, so byebye to wednesday evenings. Dear me, the only thing missing is sports. I think I will have to join like volleyball, or cricket, or even skydiving (actually on second thought perhaps not). I'll play football with wOc, and some badminton. It shall have to do.

29 Oct, 2006

2006-09-29T17:34:00.000+02:00

I have now danced my whole life in one week I think.
I've been called superwoman who has so much energy. Haha.
I have now learnt how to dance salsa, and a bit of african dancing.
Me and Heidi re-did the whole stage thing again just like last year!

I've carried luggage in rain.
I sang while directing people to the coach to Coventry, "it's a beaaaaautiful city".

Think Orientation has all driven us crazy.
But tonight it will be over...

Marte said:
Once a accident, twice a coincidence and three times a habit. Is it really happening?

Anyway, went to put out Warwick Volunteers stuff in kitchens, and passed my old room in Rootes. It still has my name tag on!!! My cute little sticker. See, I'm still there. Also, our new society wOc is going to be a massive hit. It will be a hectic year. Hope it doesn't go too fast though.

Everything is the same but different

2006-09-27T02:19:00.000+02:00

I'm in Rootes!! On campus!! It smells just like the old days, and the sheets are exactly the same. Aaah. I love Rootes, I never want to leave. And I have internet...

Orientation started and it has been absolutely crazily busy day! 800 students arrived and imagine 3 luggage each which means 2400 luggages!! Which fortunately I did not have to carry, the lovely boys did the whole job.. I was more like the social smiley hugging person. It's such a weird sensation being there and greeting all the newly arrived (occasionally very panicky and confused) people! I had to comfort many parents who were worried about their only daughter, and many students who couldn't find their way to tocil or AV or something. Like, where is Tesco? It feels like yesterday I was one of them.

But now I'm not! I'm in my second year, I can spread my love Warwick to all the new people, which I think I have done far too much today.. probably scared them all away with the "you will love warwick soooooooo much after your year!".

There was such a wonderful moment in Heathrow when lots of new people arrived, they found us in our red t-shirts and were so relieved. From France, Kazakstan, Belgium, Bulgaria, China, Japan, Vietnam, Malaysia, Korea etc etc all collected together. Everyone is tired but so excited, and so ready to be social and meet the friends that will change their lives.

I better stop before I get all emotional again. Today just made me realize that university will pass by too fast and I want to enjoy it the most as possible. And also how much memory I already have with Warwick... past and present and future. All mixed up. A bit overwhelming. I want to be here and now, and nowhere else.

House makeover

2006-09-21T02:20:00.000+02:00

First entry since arriving back once to England.
Our house on 18 Leicester Street was a awful mess this monday. We arrived and nothing had been cleared out from the previous tenants, and obviously nobody has been in and cleaned during the summer. Cobwebs, staines, and a general smell of mould and old age seem to linger in every corner of the building.
Spent the last few days scrubbing everything (buying vacuum cleaner, mop, lots of different liquids to clear things) with Kosa and Kat, and by today lunch it was actually pretty decent. Don't think I have ever cleaned so much in my entire life, actually kind of enjoyed the process. With our own two hands we made our little home. And it is (or will become) a pretty little cozy home for us.
Been a bit disorientated past 2 days, but think it is clearing up a bit now. Went on to campus today and saw the piazza again. Walked past the library, and into costcutter. Costcutter has changed! It has now expanded and swallowed up Lazerlizard and the Post Office. Costcutter is like Walmart taking over the world (ie campus). Union is all newly furbished, lovely colors and carpets. Better than our house haha.
Had dinner at Vivian's tonight, we bought a humongous piece of pig thighs and boiled soup. Mm it was good, and her house was pretty damnit. But actually, I felt quit nice coming back home afterwards. Kosa had 2 friends over, and were chilling in our lounge. After I put on some music and lit som lights it was proper nice.
Anyway, just need to keep a positive attitude. And also, I shouldn't complain, I was the one who wanted the whole "bohemian" dirty artistic living.

And ode to WWF

2006-09-17T17:28:00.000+02:00

So for the past four weeks I have been getting up early in the morning, riding my bike in the sunshine to Ulriksdals Slott of which the WWF office lies in. Yesterday was my last day, and it was also when the big event I was organizing for took place.

Eccowalkathon. 3500 people walked this year, all raising money for charity. Our tent was all jungel-y, and I was there all day talking to people, handing things out, answering questions. Lots of them seem to want to impress me with that they are so and so involved. There was this guy who came back twice to ask questions, and was like i'm a vegan, I believed what you guys do are great. Animal cruelty is horrendous, etc etc. I think he just wanted to talk to me, haha.

I got to go on stage as well! With cockroaches! It was a bit random, we had a cockroach competition, and I helped the guy who was going to do it (ex-famous Ove Sandström who apparently designed the outfits for ABBA). Had to hold a cockroach, thank goodness I'm not one of those girls who go "aaaaah". No I'm not afraid of anything. Except birds.

Anyway, WWF has been a totally awesome experience. Now they want me back every holiday, and when I came down from the stage Lars (our general secretary) gave me a big bear hug saying I did a good job. *reddens* So lovely. Also, two former Panda members came and gave me a present of a Panda pins that they made. My creation is still alive. What a lovely world we live in. I'm definetly not going to give up saving it!

Look, that's me on the big screen! :)

And can you imagine a better place to work than this?

Not-so-down and not-so-out in Stockholm

2006-09-14T19:31:00.000+02:00

Alas, I am not pathetically writing to myself after all, thank you Em. You know what, why do I not try Anne Frank-style this time, and dedicate my diary to you. Since you have left for England, and since well, maybe this could be a start of communication (besides handwritten love letters of course).

Dear Emelie,

It's been a massively hectic week after you left. Sunday was great fun with the photoshoot and everything, but then I had to sleep on a night train. It was surprisingly uncomfortable, but I didn't mind. I really love the feeling of freedom and just going away. Arrived early in the morning at a busy train station. Sun just came up, and I was in Malmö! Spent the whole day in the bathrooms of the Opera house and decorated it with lots of funky stuff. It looks proper cozy now. It's been so hot this week, I almost burnt my face while sitting on a uteservering in Malmö. I had met up with a friend from Warwick, a swedish girl who had met Meri (small world), so that was fun.

I am now reading Down and out in Paris and London by George Orwell, so I've been thinking a lot about living in the slums of Paris and meeting lots of eccentric characteric. Poverty and hunger. You know, watermelon for dinner kind of thing. Joking. But, I do wish to experience that kind of freedom you get from being poor. Think only till the next day kind of thing. Yet, that may be quite gullible to say. Anyway, this is what I though while I was staring out the window on the x2000 train as the whole landscape flashed passed. I want to have a diet of wine and breat, meet artistic crazy people and have a shitty flat in Paris. You know, the usual.

On wednesday me and Julian went to see Nachos Libre, and Jack Black is very funny. I kind of have a soft spot for people with Napoleon complex. The I'm-such-a-geek-but-I-don't-realize-and-I-try-way-to-hard-to-be-a-hero kind of thing.

Otherwise work has been hectic this week, with tomorrow as my last day in office! But it seems like our tent in Kungsan will be the coolest thanks to me. I've fixed palms, lights, lots of orangutangs.

I know you are partying like a crazy person right now, but when you finish doing that write back (i.e. do the same thing on your blog and we could be two really cute geeks!)

Love, Janie

and, even the train came late for me.

2006-09-06T12:58:00.000+02:00

Yesterday was one of those days when everything went just smoothly. I was back in all bubbly state and have a hopeful future and lovely past. I could be creative, opinionated, and talkative.

Yes, very talkative.

I just realized how non-sensical I sound sometimes. It's kind of very self-conscious thing to find myself rambling on, and hearing lots of words in my ears (from myself, but sounds like someone else?), that tries to convey what's in my head but totally fails. Like totally, miserably. Does everyone notice that?

Because, there is that look. Like, what the hell are you talking about. And then, the laugh, and then the making fun of my confusion. Don't get me wrong, I kind of enjoy that part. I'm not like that all the time, it's only when I'm just saying stuff straight from my head, that you get to hear the whole confusion and chain of thoughts that I'm trying to sort out.

Now I want to know some opinions from my blog-readers, because looking on the commenting so far it seems they are near non-existent, and I have just been talking to myself. Which is pretty sad, and even sadder considering that I do it already. So don't make me sad, ok?

OMG. Diaryland. o_O.

2006-09-04T14:46:00.000+02:00

Once we were ge-mee-nee, chester lily, lucy van pelt and georgina bagelman. What happened to those girls?

I found them again! Just like that. I found this age old email, and an age old password, and I could access my old blog! It's like a little treasure. So two of the girls still exist, that's me and Clara.

Now, I think sufficient time has passed, so we shouldn't feel embarassed [edit: i took away the links, i had decided to show the whole world my lovely crazy years but, hmrph, yes, i'm still a little shy]. I think I just fell in love with us again. It was one of those moments, when I named Clara's baby Gareth Gagan Gates Guibourg (probably due to sleeping around with Draco Malfoy) and Jonathan produced sleeveless t-shirts *rolls off chair of laughter* when Emelie said "thank god i'm with a fine decent man" and I was Wall. Huff. I was a cute Wall.

I just found one and a half year of my most precious time in life. *tears of gratitude*

Pop Dakar

2006-08-31T09:36:00.000+02:00

I'll get to see Erlend Oye, and Simone Rubi! For free! *does a little happy twirl*

Feminist? No, thanks.

2006-08-30T18:11:00.000+02:00

It's an absurd concept. Feminism. What are we fighting for anyway?

One thing: PERIOD. The ultimate difference between MAN and WOMAN. It's a really painful thing, makes you really tired, depressed and totally liked dead. But it is not a VALID reason to stay home from work/school/social life. People don't accept it, a woman is seen as WEAK if she says that she's sick from period. Why? The problem is not just the men, but women themselves. We tend to IGNORE period, "take a painkiller" and you're fine. But I'm not fine. Should we not highlight this difference, because it is unfair?

Another thing:

We give birth to the world. But after 2 month society requires us to work again. What kind of feminism is that?

I believe in equality, but I don't believe women needs to become like men to reach that equality.

I ♥ Bobby Baby

2006-08-27T20:54:00.000+02:00

So, I finally got to see her live. She's so cute like a doll, and her music is so sweet. It's been rolling on my mp3 and I've gotten use to it as if it's my own baby. It speaks to me. I like when songs speak to me. Also, when the singer speaks to me. She's seems like a really nice person, and look how friendly we look on the photo.

Everyone go listen to her and download her music into your iPod/mp3 and let it slip over and over again into your ear till it's like your little teddybear with one eye missing. "Lovsonr" and "Lucky Moments" are especially good. http://www.bobbybaby.net.

My Heart is in the Wrong Place

2006-08-24T21:44:00.000+02:00

; and there is also a cigarette butt in my shadow.

"Dream your dreams a size too big so you can grow into them"

2006-08-23T22:05:00.000+02:00

A thought struck me 3 weeks ago that I should email the head of WWF in Sweden, and ask for a internship at their office. I have met this guy once, me being a very eager little girl, and we had a little chat about rhinos and africa. A year and half later I thought, maybe, he would still remember that 10 min conversation. I started daydreaming off that yeah, he would get my email, they would offer me a job, I can bike to the office (in a castle near to my house) everyday, I'll get to work with what I love the most and it was PERFECT in my head. Exactly what I wanted to squeeze in before uni. This way, I've not only travelled this summer, but have done something Productive as well (i.e. for my CV).

Turns out, IT IS PERFECT.

For the first time in my life (or?), everything goes exactly how I want it to! I came their expecting to work unpaid, but then to my greatest surprise they decided to hire me! I'm offically "Project Assistant" which means I'm co-ordinating 2 events for September, one is a jungle musical in Malmö, of which we will be present (here I will be tranforming two bathrooms to jungle, with like ecological soap and stuff), another is EccoWalkathon a big thing in Stockholm where people walk to donate money. But that's just a part, the rest of the time I'm doing all kind of crazy stuff. And with the greatest people! I suddenly find myself amongst people who know everything about rainforest in Borneo and animals in Africa, and doing stuff about it, and discussing it over coffee. Everyone's a team working for something they believe in and love, that feeling is so different, and inspiring!

Anyway, I'm still in the "OH-MY-GOD cannot believe how lucky I am, and am sooo THANKFUL for things going sooo smoothly for me" stage. It really is like The Alchemist: when you're following your dreams, the whole universe conspires to help you out. So this is what happens when dreams come true!

2006-08-22T13:55:00.000+02:00

[à la fin]

2006-08-21T17:27:00.000+02:00

VOYAGE

Si j'avais le temps
et la bonne étoile
Si j'avais du vent
soufflant dans mes voiles
Si j'avais l'argent
du prince de Galles
Je voyagerais
sans doute
Je voyagerais
tout autour du monde
et puisque la terre
est plus ou moins ronde
Je vous reviendrais
sans doute
Je vous reviendrais

by Baudouin Delvaux in his poetry book "Akiko"

This poem was found 8th December 2005 in Salong du thé "AM Sweet" close to Bourse in Brussels. I returned to Brussels 8 months later, and tried to find Jesus Paradise but it was closed for the summer. Brussels smelled the same (of selleri) and the sirens where still sirening. Grande Place had a flower arrangement (once every 2 years) and it was pretty. I saw the little pee-boy again, and ate frites at that little frites place around the corner. It was just as cold as in December.

After Brussels, our car took us through Luxembourg to France where we first stopped at Valence just south of Lyon. From Valence we saw Orange, Avignon, Pont du Gard, Nîmes and Marseille. Lots of grapes and roman amphiteatres. Big french balconies and mad french drivers. We then went through Toulons, the coast-of-lots-of-beach, St.Tropez, Fréjus and high way to Nice. I tried the niccois food of socca and ratatouille. We went back the next day to Cannes, Antibes and swam in the Mediterreanean. We watched sunburnt rich people, and took photos of their huge mansions. Mom told me I should buy one of those. I said I'd rather live in a hut. From Aix-en-Provence we took a path through the Alpes, to get home. It took a long time, we had Lightning and Hail. It was not particularly fun, and I am not very fond of riding in cars anymore.

And, I'm still just as crap in french.

Everything DOES happen twice,

2006-08-10T14:46:00.000+02:00

apparently. I have another proof to this theory now. There's an old saying that things that happen once will never happen again, but things that happen twice will definetly happen a third time. I don't believe that's true.

Everything in life happens TWICE. Then, THE END. Fullstop.

Now, byebye Stockholm again, and hello Brussels soon! Getting actually a wee bit excited now thinking of frites, waffles, chocolate and mussles.

After Brussels: Valence, Marseille, Fréjus and Aix. New gems to discover for me!

Hospitalized

2006-08-08T20:28:00.000+02:00

Here's and entry to self-pity.

Two days before I leave China I got bananas and eat as much crayfish as I possibly can. Bad bad idea. Crayfish are very dirty animals (are they animals or insect?), and chinese way of cooking very unhygienic. But crayfish is so very tasty, and addictive, and I've had them before so I thought hey I can handle anything.

Apparently not.

How I suffered, with a aching stomach the next day, and even the next day. Not normal tummy ache, but kind of cannot-breathe-right-in-under-your-chest-kind-of-heaviness. So dad said, no we have to get you checked at hospital and I ended up going. I walked out 6 hours later, having 3 different bottles of stuff injected into my blood stream. I don't think I've ever done that before, so yay, another tick on my list to do before I die.

Too bad I have to re-think my brave philosophy of eat whatever I want now.

Poor, poor Janie...

Lost in Translation

2006-08-02T16:52:00.000+02:00

Tokyo, Japan.
Now I have finally seen it was my own eyes.
First two days was massive confusion, and over exhaustion of sounds, people and blinking neon lights. I guess when you don't understand a language, it just sounds like noise. I could hear everything, and japanese people do talk very loud.
I thought that perhaps I didn't like big cities. They frighten me.
But then, I slowly I got used to it. I went to some less crowded areas, such as Yoyogi Park and Meiji Shrine. I could do things my own pace, and it all slowed down a little. I never had a map, as I came quite unprepared and it was hard to find one in Tokyo. I felt really helpless, and needed people to show me around.
But after a while, I did start recognizing places, and even knew my way around Harajuku, Takodanobaba, and Shibuya. That's a great feeling.
I guess everything just takes a little time.
Time does feel quite limited in Tokyo though. Everyone is so busy, and the whole city is a massive consuming culture. Both money and time (are they the same?) are used up in a scary pace, and I think that is something I cannot get used to so fast. Vanity is another feature. I've never been to a place where people cared so much for their fashion and looks in such details. I felt like I couldn't bother less compared to them, yet before I thought I was pretty vain.
Food is great and healthy. I tried it all: okonomiyaki, takkoyaki, yakiniku, soba, ramen, udon, sushi, sashimi, ockra, japanese curry and all the stuff grilled on sticks (womb, tongue, breast etc). I lost 2 kgs, how did that happen? I really liked the japanese liqours of plum, apricot and apple. Cold sake is better than hot.
I even went to their firework festival dressed in a traditional yukata (the stuff that looks like kimono).
I found myself saying sumi masen to the girl beside me on the plane. And my head keeps on wanting to bend down. Guess it's some sort of post-japanism. Anyway, I got a chance to live a japanese dream for a week, but now it's time to wake up. China is a very different place, sort of half-way back to reality.

Thoughts about Japan

2006-07-18T08:28:00.000+02:00

My first real japanese friend was called Eriko Sato. We were best friends from fourth grade to fifth grade. Then she had to leave for Japan. During that time I liked drawing big-eyed manga girls and fold origami stuff. I played with tamagochi. After she left we were penpals for a long time. She always sent letters in the cutest papers and sent me little presents and cute christmas cards. I really envied the japanese cute-ness. Even today.

I was never crazy about Japan though, the way I was with Ireland or Australia. Don't ask me why. When Sweden caught the Japan fever, and everyone wanted to go there, I was quite indifferent. However, somehow I never escaped the grasp of the country. It seems that there is a deep part of me, a something, that really clicks with the japanese. I will slowly find out I guess. In a weeks time I can finally see the bustling Tokyo with my own eyes.

Maybe I will even bump into Eriko. I wonder what she is doing these days?

The Real Home?

2006-07-09T15:10:00.000+02:00

Every time I come back to China I always wonder if this is not really my true home after all, it does feel so lovely be back. My rootes (haha funny unintentional miss-type, because rootes feels like home as well..) are here after all, and my wonderful massive family is so great to be around. I have a similar feeling going back to Sweden, but not really the same. I feel more intact here. More in one piece. Maybe because I have so many aunties and uncles still treating me like a little princess. I

Home is not a place to just visit, but that's all I can do now. Even Sweden, I can only visit for like a few weeks or a month. So where is home? Who knows..

Grandparents have gotten thinner and smaller. This time I really see the difference. It makes me a little sad... With them there is nothing to do but to be around. Just to be close by means everything. So I'll just hang around at home and be a good girl for a while. And eat, eat, eat!!

The Weepies ♥

2006-07-05T21:04:00.001+02:00

I met The Weepies, I met The Weepies, I met The Weepies...
Ok, perhaps it was a bit sweaty, we all look a bit disgusting, but who cares.
Concert was adorably amazing. They were so cute, and I was inspired.

Anyone who actually checks this blog, you have to listen to "Gotta Have You" on:
http://www.theweepies.com

I'm in love. I don't care if I'm the only one who feels it.

A little list of books

2006-07-04T12:36:00.000+02:00

~~Haruki Murakami - Kafka on the Shore~~
~~Haruki Murakami - Norwegian Wood~~
~~Kazuo Ishiguro - Never Let Me Go~~
~~Haruki Murakami - Dance Dance Dance~~
~~Michael Ende - Momo~~
~~Anaïs Nin - A Spy in the House of Love~~ (gave up, cannot read Anaïs anymore.)
~~Haruki Murakami - South of the Border, West of the Sun~~ (no more murakami after this, for a while.)
~~Paul Coehlo - The Alchemist~~
Zadie Smith - On Beauty
Kazuo Ishiguro - A Pale View of Hills
Bill Bryson - A Short History of Nearly Everything
Francoise Sagan - Bonjour Tristesse (french)

Self-pity

2006-07-02T23:15:00.000+02:00

The glands in my throat decided to throw a crazy party.
Went to see Mio min Mio with Julian and Mimmi on friday, that was really lovely. Outdoor theatre, with beautiful music and kids storyline. Picnic baskets, blankets and hot tea. Cozyness.
Then we went home, and my throat felt like sand-paper.
The next day I could barely swallow. This weekend is spent between lying in the sun, sleeping and just the kind of half-living that happens when I'm sick. I've been reading a lot.
I went to see doctor today and got penicillin. I just want to finish the whole pack and be able to eat properly, been too much soup-ish stuff.

I seriously hate being sick. It's such a waste of time. Plus, it's very uncomfortable.

Listening to: Feist - Gatekeeper

and i won’t be warm till i’m lying in your arms.

2006-06-29T17:30:00.000+02:00

I've found another lovely band. The Weepies. They will be playing here next tuesday, and I can't wait. This kind of soft mushy stuff is perfect for me right now.

Haruki Murakami is playing with my head. His book Dance Dance Dance with all the connections and threads make me see life as kind of a absurd portrait. Am I searching for the lost thread? Did I loose my thread, or am I on the right one? I feel quite passive, I kind of let things take their course. Today I bumped into some random people, like the old libriarian in my old high school, why did I do that? Through my mobile I can connect with people. That little machine of mine can reach you. How does that happen? And how do you know it's not all just an illusion of my head. All these invisible threads.

"Gotta Have You"

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No, nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you.
...
Oh, such a prima donna, sorry for myself
But green, it is also summer
And I won’t be warm till I’m lying in your arms

Babysitting

2006-06-28T16:55:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I decided to do some cultural studies with my little sister. We first went to Junibacken, this kid's museum where they have Moomin's house, Pippi's Villa Villekulla and Mammu Mu's house and everything. After a swedish meatball lunch we went to the Nordic Museum to their playroom. We also did a tour of the museum. That's the first time I take her into a real museum, and oh my god how many questions she had.

"Why does the chairs look like this?", "But how come we know this happened before?", "Was the king mean?" etc

Most interesting was when we walked past this exhibition about Traditions. The one on Easter had a women hanging mid-air being tortured. She was a so-called witch in the 16th century, which later developed to today's swedish "påskkärringar" (little girls dress up as witches and knock doors to get candy). She was so shocked over this witch business, and seriously was quite shaken. I couldn't explain very well either... I mean how do you with questions like "Why did they want to do this to her?", "Is there really witches?", "Why is she going to burn", "What is hell?"

Headache, exhaustion. I thought kids were suppose to be simple.

Mommy's soup

2006-06-24T22:49:00.000+02:00

I have arrived back in Stockholm, the air was fresh and the sky was clear. The tempo here is so slow, and it really feels like summer holidays! I just saw our beautiful balcony with all the flowers etc, and now imagine myself reading LOADS of books there and having some nice thoughtful time.

Had loads of guests at home when I arrived, one of those massive chinese dinner gatherings that my parents held. No, they didn't come especially for me, they didn't even really care... But my sister did, she ran up to me and almost cried and just clinged on to me. That made me teary, and I'm really happy to be home with her. She loves me so much, and I love her, and I want to just cuddle her for the whole of my life. Dinner was amazing, tomato and beaten egg soup, me love.

Still dazed at the fact that it really is OVER. My first year. How can it pass so fast?

Sverige, Sverige!

2006-06-21T02:34:00.000+02:00

The busiest day EVER is over... (they always end at one point or another)

Interviews
Getting my results (I received a higher 2:1!!! Which is just a little below a first and I'm well happy!)
Setting up Taptastic
Call our estate agent to find the number of our landlord, only to find he had died. How strange is that?
Volunteers EXEC meeting
See Jo's acting in The Lesson
Set up for The Secret Lives and see it (enjoyed it very much, the acting was all spontaneous and improvised!)
Warwick Volunteers Summer BBQ
England vs SWEDEN (WOHOOOO!! We played well, I think. Me and Marte were the only one's cheering for Sweden in the marketplace when we were watching. Which was kind of disturbing, especially when we scored and some scary british people stared at us like they wanted to kill us. But screeeew them!)
Finding Nemo on a outside cinema they built on Tocil field (Cosy little thing, everyone bringing blankets etc, but the weather was crap, was like winter came back again)
Nice long chat by the river which I love so much.

Tomorrow: PACK. And rest, and maybe even read :)

Just a proud photo of the audience from The Secret Lives

I passed!!

2006-06-20T01:16:00.000+02:00

My name was on the list "Those who we will continue to the second year of..."

Yippie.

Terribly busy, have no time in my room. Running about doing Warwick Student Art Festival stuffs, my photos are on exhibition :) and been to don't know how many dinners. It's all a bit hectic right now, I just hope I get some time and energy to pack.

Typically, I'm sick when I most need to be healthy and strong. But other than that, it's aaall good.

Birthday

2006-06-17T18:17:00.000+02:00

I'm a little overwhelmed with all the wishes and things. It's strange to be in the centre of attention, but uber awesome.

Last night we had a party for me at Piazza and then everyone went to Pure. To be honest I don't really remember much of it, but from the photos it looked like I had fun! Last night of being 18. A bit sad and nostaligic really, because 18 was quite a eventful year. Maybe that was why my mood was a bit dodgy in the beginning... I've never been a big fan of birthdays, it's not a big deal, but I do get touched from all the cards and lovely messages I received.

I'm 19 now. What does that really mean? I guess time will tell me soon. I really wish I would stop being a pain in ass towards myself, get a grip and grow up. I'll leave some mess behind, and remember to not do stupid things twice (although if my theory of everything happens twice is correct, it will be inevitable).. but I will do my best to counter evidence this hypothesis.

Wish me luck!

A summarize

2006-06-15T20:20:00.000+02:00

This is what happened when I went to spain.

Day 1
Arrive midnight. Straight out to eat pizza and drink Sangria, then off to Kenny and etc's flat for a crazy drinking fest, where Cheese managed to break his nose on a glass.

Day 2
Breakfast at Meson del Café where we all ate churros con chocolate (deep-fried thingy abit like "yiu tiao" dipped into hot chocolate). Walk around Barri Gòtic (old town), past the Cathedral and then into La Ribera for the Picasso Museum.

"Picasso Museum. Why is there this hazy feeling to all his paintings. No faces can be seen. Reality is a shade of the brush."

After indulging in art is is time for la Sagrada Familia. Gaudi's unfinished cathedral. I feel it is like a melting wax castle. The details are amazing. Tired and hungry we ate and head off to the beach. It was a long walk along the pier to get there, but worthwhile. At night: dinner at Organic, amazing vegetarian food. Drinking the spanish variant of sourz and then Moog club.

Day 3
Breakfast in l'Eixample then off to the most famous rooftop of La Pedrera. Then walk down Passeig de Gracia for shopping (mostly Zara...). After rest, we went all the way to Parc Güell, a awful long walk as we kind of took a long turn. Dinner at our own Plaza Real, and trendy bar at the same place.

Day 4
Stroll around, some local area of La Ribera then Arc de Triomphe. Somehow we managed to get to Parc de Ciutadella without knowing it... Took the bus to Zaragoza in the evening. Hostel night, met Eugenie from the states.

Day 5
Wake up 6AM for stroll to see El Pilar the most famous church in Spain. Got back around 10Am, and then after packing off to aiport and back to London.

"Why don't people seek to romanticize and make the world a prettier place? What is travelling when just looking at things without seeing? They take photos, go on buses for sightseeing. But they are blind. They are a disgrace to travelling. I want to make the most out of everything, still amazed and want to feel every new thing. Like rooftop by Gaudi."

Zaragoza

2006-06-12T13:37:00.000+02:00

Extract from notebook, written 10 June, 2006:

In El Pilar, the most famous church in Spain. Why did my feeling tell me to visit this place? I feel like a pilgrim seeking. Did God guide me here? The journey did seem fateful. Woke up 6AM, walked while everyone was returning home. Slight drizzle, but was clear when I was walking. One chocolaterie was open just for me. Old man with moustache, radio filled with old spanish music, seems like taken out from a movie 50 years ago. I didn't walk the path Eugenie drew for me, but the other was beautiful. On the way met a local, Michael, who said I was beautiful and took a photo of me. Arriving at El Pilar just at the beginning of morning mass although people seem to drop in and out whenever they wish. Very easy feeling. The church is beautiful. I can feel something here, a warm gentle feeling. I know God exists. I'm thankful for his guidance and care. Rain started when I was inside as if telling me to stay. A sense of powerlessness takes over me. What can I control in my life? This journey feels predestined, even if I made the choices. Call it a hunch or common sense, or "she just knows". I do. Because somewhere something is telling me. I hope it stays with me. I feel less alone. I'm a part of the massive intricate universe. A small part, but still...

Everyone is silently praying. I'm a lone in Zaragoza with God.

On the move

2006-06-05T22:08:00.000+02:00

I'm leaving for Barcelona tomorrow.

Felt a bit scared today, I don't know why. Kind of insecurity, because I will be flying back by myself. I'm going with Kosa, Jon and 3 of Kosa's flatmates, but they will be coming back on Friday and I decided to stay another day. Except that's not it, I have to fly back from this city called Zaragoza, in the middle of Spain, 3 hours bus journey from Barcelona. So. I have booked a hostel for the Friday night in Zaragoza, and hopefully I will be able to get there safely. The only thing is that this city is in the Basque militant area (which I found out today) and they only speak Spanish. I don't even remember why I decided to fly back from there, I think it kind of called me, besides it was cheap. Now, I'm getting cold feet, there is so many things that can go wrong...

Anyways, I'll try to shake this bad feeling off. I'm not used to being nervous before trips, but I guess that's what you get with travelling alone for the first time. If something happens to me, I will be all alone. Gives me the sweats. But will be an interesting experience. And everybody please be thinking of me on Friday night, so I arrive safely to the hostel, and do not get kidnapped. Actually what am I talking about? I bet the spanish are all such a friendly bunch.

So, be back in a few days. Hopefully :)
Now, off to work...

(Why do I have a feeling this is like the last photo of me...?? Stupid paranoia.)